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Book__ 

CopyrigME 

CUBORIGHT DEPOSIT. 



With Christ at Sea 



HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY— AND LAST 



BY 

FRANK T. BULLEN 




NEW YORK 

FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY 



0061 0% AQM 



With Christ at Sea 



HALTING ON THE UPWARD WAY— AND LAST 



BY 

FRANK T. BULLEN 



NEW YORK 

FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 



78164 

Library of Congresw 
' ... Copies RECfWfO ; i / 

NOV 20 1900 ; J& V^fS^f 
^0, x R era 

SECOND COPY 

pet'vorod to 

ORDER DIVISION 

FEB 11 190LJ 



Copyright, 1900, 
By Frederick A. Stokes Company 



CHAPTER X. 



A LONG— FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 

Upon leaving the Dartmouth, which it is 
my peculiar pride and pleasure to remember 
that I did with the good will of every one on 
board, I somewhat timidly interviewed the 
" old man." He was very taciturn- and seldom 
came into personal contact with any of the 
foremast hands, yet, as I have said, he made 
his authority so thoroughly felt that the vessel 
was more perfectly disciplined than any mer- 
chant ship I have ever sailed in. But I could 
not help feeling that, since he had not spoken 
a hundred words to me during the voyage of 
nearly twelve months, he would not be very 
likely to respond graciously to the question I 
was about to put to him. Yet it was essential 
that I should obtain what I wanted from him, 
as otherwise I could not do what I had set 
my heart upon, — go up for examination by 
the Board of Trade officials for the qualifica- 
tions of a second mate. Unless I had a per- 



A LONG-FELT V, 



SUPPLIED. 197 



sonal reference c last; master, i would 

not be permitted to enter the lists - 11, so I 
braced up and tackled the stern < J oen tie- 
man, rinding, to my in; re surp t id grati- 
fication, that .2 . . ~ most gracious toward me. 
He gave , . j'-ple did testimonial, tell- 
ing 1 e that i:e h. .[ kept his eye upon me all 
the \ y-ge. The sea-stidned and weather- 
worn old document is b^ : ore me now as I 
write, but I will not quote it for fear of being 
accused of vanity. 

The examination ) !*o u< d'c piously easy, 
although I had dreaded it much, and with my 
creamy new certificate in my pocket I felt 
quite proud. Indeed about this time I was 
very happy. I was, as I have said before, 
just over twenty years of age, and for the 
first time in my life I fell in love. Better still, 
my affection was returned, and the girl of my 
choice did not think worse of me, but better, 
because I was " very religious." Visions of a 
home of my own, of some one there while I 
was at sea who would pray for me and long 
for my return, blossomed before my mental 
vision, and I went in for castle-building exten- 
sively. It is impossible to say what this new 
development meant to me. To one so long 



i 9 8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



alone in the world as I had been, without one 
beloved object upon whom to pour out the 
treasures of a naturally warm heart, the pros- 
pect of possessing that object was entrancing. 
No thought of what the weary separations 
might mean to her troubled me. Selfishly, I 
am afraid, I only thought of the joy of finding 
a natural outlet for long pent-up affection, of 
having a lodestar somewhere on eartn, some 
person who would think about me and be 
grievea\ at my death if that should happen. 

Yes, I was very happy. Not even the dis- 
concerting fact that I was compelled to go to 
sea again as an A.B. had power to make me 
miserable. Really I had expected that, for 
no one knew better than I did how very 
difficult it was for a friendless young officer 
to get a ship in London. But I did hope that 
perhaps in some far-away port I might get a 
ship as second mate and prevail upon my 
skipper to let me go. So, in this hope, I got 
a ship bound for New Zealand again, a most 
beautiful-looking vessel of about 800 tons 
register, and, much to my gratification, had 
two of my old shipmates of the Dartmouth 
ship with me. I cannot name my new vessel, 
for her owner is still alive, and I would not 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 199 



like to hurt his feeling's by the hard things I 
must presently say about her. 

Besides he (the owner) is, I know, a very 
good Christian man, and it would grieve him 
much to know how utterly Godless was the 
life on board any one of his ships. The sail- 
ing-day arrived, and I felt for the first time 
the pain of parting with one of the opposite 
sex who in the three weeks of our acquaint- 
ance had become very dear to me. But my 
pain was, I know, very light compared with 
hers. We were both friendless youngsters, 
but I realised afterward how much harder 
was her lot than mine ; how weary her life 
was cooped up in a stuffy workroom in the 
city of London with only the hope of meeting 
me again to look forward to. My sorrow was 
brief, for many things combined to drive it 
away, and I had what tome was a great boon, 
— somebody at home to think of, to plan for, 
and to look forward to meeting again. 

We left the South West India Docks in fine 
fettle, with, for a wonder, a sober crew, and 
before we had been twelve hours out of dock 
were pulling together as if we had been ship- 
mates all our lives, — so much so that two days 
after, when we encountered that tremendous 



200 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

squall in which the Eurydice foundered (we 
were only a few miles to leeward of her when 
she capsized), we made light of it, handling 
the vessel Hire a yacht. We had half-a-dozen 
passengers on board : a lady going out to join 
her husband, with her little girl, and a Yankee 
traveller in the saloon ; and four second-class 
passengers who lived in the apprentices' house 
forward. All anticipated a speedy, comfort- 
able passage, the vessel being fast and handy 
in smooth water. But oh, when she first met 
with a. T.^derately heavy sea! Then she re- 
vealed herself to us in all her innate brutality. 
I really think that she had almost every vice 
that a ship can have, though it may have been 
her cargo, for she was deeply laden with a 
general cargo, of which at l°r f ;t four hundred 
tons was iron, mostly in the shape of rods and 
wire, which of course made her unkindly in a 
seaway. 

In addition to the discomfort of the ship 
herself, the skipper and the mate both drank 
to excess in bad weather, and often, when all 
hands had been called to shorten sail, the 
watch that should have gone below were kept 
standing about in the deep water on deck, not 
daring to go below until told, yet knowing 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 



very well that there was no eart'.ly rcaso 
why they should be kept there. At other 
times I have seen the watch below all stand;;. ' 
ready clad in oilskins just inside the fo'c's'le 
door, expecti no- to be called upon tp sbcrten 
sail, while the vessel, presse ! far 1 - and what 
she could safely bear, was wallowing ajofig 
through an awful sea, burying herself under 
it, and the skipper and mate, both rolling 
drunk, were tumbling about inside the cabin. 

Yet this experience was not bad forme. It 
drove me back again to my ever-faithful com 
forter ; it made me pray to be spared for the 
sake of the watching one at home ; and even 
when I stood at the wheel, peering into a com- 
pass that had lost its polarity, trying in vain to 
" feel," through the asinine complications of 
the patent steering-gear, how she wanted 
helm, and unable to fix any other guide for 
my course than the feel of the wand in the 
pitchy blackness of the night, I often felt 
quite cheerful. But it was always an anxious 
time, and although, as far as I could see, there 
was no sense of religion on board, there was 
far less profanity and filth in the fo'c's'le than 
customary. 

There was only one man who was inclined 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



to make things unpleasant in the fo'c's'le by 
his roughness and wickedness generally, and 
he, strangely enough, was a Scotchman from 
the far North, a great raw-boned, shoulder-o'- 
mutton-fisted fellow that ought to have been 
a Cameronian elder. Unlike O'Dwyer of the 
Dartmouth, though, Angus was a splendid 
seaman and a hard worker, and I think only 
his natural desire to rule made him cantanker- 
ous. At any rate, he was exceedingly hard 
upon my poor easy-going Finn chum, who 
had followed me out of the Dartmouth. No 
doubt poor Johnny was aggravatingly deliber- 
ate in his movements ; no doubt the mild, 
pathetic look in his light-blue eyes and his 
feeble command of English were somewhat 
trying ; but these things, coupled with his ex- 
traordinary amiability and his staunch friend- 
ship for me, made me feel any indignity put 
upon him more than if it had been put upon 
myself. 

Therefore one memorable afternoon (to me), 
when I had come into the forecastle on some 
errand and heard Angus berating poor Johnny 
in no measured tones, I ventured to tell the 
big Scotchman that he ought to be ashamed 
of himself for thus taking advantage of a 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 203 



harmless fellow who, but that he was a little 
slow, was as good a man as any in the ship. 
My remarks transformed Angus into a furious 
demon who thirsted for my blood, but, singu- 
larly enough, he did not immediately attack 
me. He only invited me to come outside and 
be pounded into a jelly. Then I told him 
that I was anything but a fighting man, even 
had the conditions of warfare been equal ; that 
I knew he could probably break all my bones 
with his left hand tied behind him ; but that 
knowledge would never prevent me from say- 
ing a word for the right, and I felt sure that if 
he would only give the matter his calm con- 
sideration he would aeree with me that his 
behaviour toward Johnny was utterly unwor- 
thy of a big brave man. For a few minutes 
I thought he would break a blood-vessel, he 
was so enraged ; then he cooled down slightly 
and went to a seat with his head between his 
hands, and thenceforward, although Angus 
and I were never very intimate, he and Johnny 
were firm friends. They sailed together for 
years, until the vessel in which they were com- 
ing home was lost and poor John was drowned. 
But that story is too long to be told here, in- 
volving as it does a recital of self-sacrificing- 



2o 4 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

love that has never been excelled in any fic- 
tion. 

Bad as the behaviour of the vessel always 
was, we did not suffer the full measure of her 
iniquity until we were well within the stormy 
region bet ween the Cape and Australia known 
to seamen as the " Easting." Then it was 
found necessary for the safety of the ship to 
build a barricade of two-inch planks right 
across the front of the poop, for the enormous 
masses of water that kept bursting over all 
threatened to ^ut the whole of the officer.-' 
and passengers' quarters. Rinining before 
the westerly ga^e and . v'ng sea she 
was like a half-tide rock, c iid for six weeks 
we lived in oilskins and sea-boots, while the 
^rass grew thickly upon her decks, 

c\\ o the i ncessant wash of the sea over 

—> 

her. 

In the fo'c's'le we did not discuss the mat- 
ter much, but every one of us felt that we 
were being balanced upon the very edge of 
death, and the drunkenness of the skipper 
made matters so much worse for us. At last 
on Easter Sunday, when the gale was at its 
height, it was manifest that, firstly, the 
amount of sail she could carry would not suf- 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED, 205 



fice to keep her ahead of the sea any longer ; 
secondly, that the operation of " heaving to," 
while attended with the most terrible danger, 
must be performed; and lastly, that in all hu- 
man probability, before another twenty-four 
hours had passed, we should all have disap- 
peared from mortal ken, like one of the burst- 
ing bubbles on the foam-crests around. At 
10 a. m. all hands were called and ordered to 
stand by for "heaving to." Now this term, 
though highly technical, is, I think, suscepti- 
ble of explanation to landsmen. It means 
that as the ship is built to breast the sea, her 
safest position in a gale is with her bows 
pointing as nearly in the direction from which 
wind and sea are coming as possible, for she 
then rises to meet the waves ; whereas when 
the waves are overtaking her the stern has a 
tendency to cower down before them and let 
them rage over the deck, doing dreadful dam- 
age. But after a ship has been running be- 
fore wind and sea until both have risen to a 
fearful height, it becomes a task of great dan- 
ger and difficulty to heave to, — that is, to 
turn her round to face the elements she has 
been fleeing from. 

First of all it means the reduction of sail to 



200 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



almost nothing, which, as it reduces the. ship's 
speed, is in itself a serious danger, as the 
halting- vessel mav be overwhelmed. Next, 
in the actual process of turning the ship 
round, she must of necessity be for a brief 
space broadside on to those tremendous waves, 
presenting her most vulnerable part to its aw- 
ful attack. And then much depends upon 
the seaworthy qualities of the vessel herself. 
Some ships seem never to have got upon in- 
timate terms with the sea ; they actually court 
attack and consequent injury ; while others 
will brave and weather the fiercest storms 
with impunity, as if they were as privileged 
citizens of the sea as the birds and fish. Our 
ship belonged to the former hapless class, so 
that when we took our stations it was with the 
gloomiest apprehensions that we viewed the 
task before us. As we waited the sky cleared 
a little, and the 11 old man," catching at the 
smallest hope, " hung on " to see if the 
weather was really going to be finer. But 
while we stood watching the incessant on- 
slaught of those mountainous seas, there sud- 
denly came howling out from the westward 
an awful squall laden with snow. The winds 
seemed to redouble in violence, the whole air 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 207 



was obscured by the fast-falling flakes, and as 
the miserable ship, like an overdriven horse, 
tried to stagger forward, three vast seas 
leaped on board at once, — one over the taff- 
rail and one over each side. I was on the 
fo'c's'le head, stationed there at the foretop- 
mast-staysail sheet with my other old ship- 
mate from the Dartmouth, — a nice fellow, but 
profligate and Godless to the last degree. In 
silence we gazed upon the dreadful scene. 
Out of that whirling waste of white only the 
three masts emerged ; all the rest of the ship 
was hidden from view, and beneath our feet 
we felt that the sorely-tried hull was quiver- 
ing as if in a death-throe under the mighty 
weight of water. While we gazed Bill drew 
nearer to me and said : 

" I wish I'd lived a better life. It's awful 
to look death in the face like this and feel 
that you ain't, ready to go. You look all 
right. How do you feel ?" 

The responsibility of answering was great, 
but gratefully I record that at that dread mo- 
ment my only feeling was one of triumph, 
and I said : 

Bill, it's one of the blessings that God 
gives to any poor weak mortal that leans on 



2o8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



Him at all times, that when the hour of trial 
comes the necessity for worrying about any- 
thing but one's immediate duty is taken away. 
There's no thought of how much or how little 
one has done to justify the favour of God, but 
only the deep, secure sense of being immor- 
tal, of having just depended upon the unbreak- 
able word of the Father." 

He was silent for a minute, and then he 
replied : 

" Well, if ever I get out of this alive, I bet 
I'll be a different man. I feel horribly fright- 
ened to meet God like I am." 

Now this man was anything but a namby- 
pamby fellow who was likely to be swayed by 
fear ; on the contrary he was brave and reck- 
less to the last degree, besides being a splen- 
did seaman. But, standing there quietly and 
looking upon what seemed the inevitable de- 
struction of the ship, and knowing that if she 
foundered there would not be the remotest 
hope of any of her crew surviving, was too 
much even for his seasoned nerves, and he 
spoke as I have said. 

Yet I admit that I had not the slightest 
faith in any permanent change being wrought 
in the man. Much bitter experience of my 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 209 



own had convinced me that conversions as 
the result of fear are the rarest exceptions to 
a universal rule of the Gospel's winning by 
love. So I told him that I knew he was 
quite sincere now, and I earnestly hoped that 
when, if ever, he had the opportunity of 
showing his readiness to be a Christian in fine 
weather he would remember his promise. 
There and then he took the most solemn oath 
that for the future he would serve God and 
Him only, if his life were but spared this once. 
This, however, did not impress me in the 
least, knowing full well, as I did, that if he 
would break his promise to God he would 
break any oath also. 

The water subsided from the deck, reveal- 
ing a wretched state of affairs. The bulwarks 
had burst outward for the greater part of the 
ship's length on both sides, the massive 
breakwater built across the front of the cabin 
had completely disappeared, and the hand- 
some teak front of the saloon was all gone 
also, leaving only the barren iron skeleton 
and showing the saloon full of water, which 
(we found afterwards) was pouring down in 
floods through the orratinp- of the lazarette to 
the storeroom below. But for the moment 



2io WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



nothing could be done to repair damages. It 
was evident that the ship would not " run " any 
longer, so the order was given to lower the 
topsails and "spill" them (quiet them by 
means of special gear for that purpose worked 
from the deck) ; and as soon as that was done 
the skipper, watching for a time when a 
heavier sea than usual had rolled past, — the 
ninth wave, — sang out: "Hold on, every- 
body," and put the helm down. Round she 
came in the great creaming valley between 
two vast waves, and all hands watched in 
breathless suspense to see her pass the 
danger-point. She reached it, waited, lurched 
up against tlie shoulder of the toppling green 
mountain, and, with a shudder like that of a 
dying animal, allowed it to overwhelm her. 
Yet she was so staunchly built that nothing 
more important than deck-fittings carried 
away, and she rose again, bowing the sea, 
and, for the time at any rate, safe. But 
throughout the next forty-eight hours her be- 
haviour was even more terrifying than when 
she was running. She would roll to wind- 
ward and allow an enormous sea to tumble on 
board ; then over, over she would £0 to lee- 
ward until not only the rail but even the 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 211 



sheer-poles of the rigging were under water ; 
then back again, and so on continually. 
There was not a dry corner in the ship, and 
the poor lady with her little child in the after 
cabin sat in an upper bunk watching the 
turbid waters lash to and fro in her berth, de- 
stroying all her belongings, and compelling 
her to believe that the ship was sinking. 

By the mercy of God the wind eased and 
the sea went down, so that we were able once 
more to make sail and in some small measure 
repair damages. For the rest of the voyage 
the weather was sufficiently good to enable 
us to make an ordinary passage. 

As I had expected, Bill's fit of righteous- 
ness lasted but a few days. I,t was most curi- 
ous to see how shamefacedly he avoided me, 
as if my opinion or even censure — had I dared 
or felt inclined to give it to him — could have 
been of any moment. This was only a com- 
mon instance, I suppose, of how prone we all 
are to fear the creature more than the Creator, 
to value the seen above the Unseen. 

Upon our arrival in Port Lyttleton I was 
most fortunate in finding that a dear friend of 
Port Chalmers days was. in the neighbour- 
hood, — in the position of dispenser to Christ- 



212 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

church Hospital. In his pleasant company I 
spent some happy hours, renewing my mem- 
ories of that best of all times in my life. And 
then one morning my skipper sent for me 
and told me that a large ship in the harbour 
was in need of a second mate, and that he had 
recommended me for the post. But, he 
added, as I was bettering myself, and as he 
would have to pay at least thirty shillings a 
month more for a substitute for me than I 
was receiving, he could not give me any of 
my wages. I pleaded with him to let me have 
a little, representing to him that there were 
several necessaries I must have on taking up 
my new position, but he would not hear me. 
He did not want me to go, he said, but if I went 
those were the conditions. So I went, and 
lost as hardly earned a sum of £10 as ever I 
had been entitled to in my life. I parted 
with my shipmates with real regret, for I had 
been happy with all of them. Especially 
gratifying was my parting with big Angus, 
who told me in a shamefaced way that my 
chum. John, the Finn, should never want for 
a chum as lone as he was alive. And thus, 
with the orood wishes of evervbodv, I left the 
fo'c's'le for the quarter-deck. 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 213 



At my first meeting with my new skipper I 
felt a thrill of delight. He was an elderly 
Orkney man named Seaton overflowing with 
benevolence, a sincere Christian, and an excel- 
lent seaman. His reception of me was so 
kind that I was almost unable to say a word 
for emotion. As if I had been an officer of 
ripe experience instead of a foremast hand 
just promoted, he made me welcome, spoke 
to me man-fashion, and told me that he was 
sure I should do well. And my first impres- 
sions of George Traill Seator were, I rejoice 
to say, not only abundantly confirmed, but they 
were deepened and strengthened the longer 
I knew him. He was a man whom I am 
proud to have lived to know. 

The ship, which was an old one belonging 
to Messrs. Shaw, Savill, and Co., had been 
absent from England over two years, and still 
retained her original crew, who were nearly 
all Britons. She was emphatically a happy 
ship. At this time she was chartered by the 
New Zealand Government to convey a cargo 
of railway material to Adelaide, and my first 
duty on board was to superintend the stowage 
of railway wagons and locomotives, a task 
which pleased me very much. And when at 



214 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



last she was ready for sea and shifted out into 
the bay from the wharf, the amiable old mate 
had a serious fall which laid him up, and I 
was by force of circumstances compelled to 
act as chief officer. But this gave me no con- 
cern, for the confidence reposed in me by the 
master, the knowledge that I was not being 
watched in the hope of fault-finding, helped 
me marvellously, as it would have been a 
proof of the most utter incompetency on my 
part had I failed to rise to so favourable an 
occasion. 

A most peculiar state of affairs prevailed 
on board, such as I suppose no other mer- 
chant ship has ever known. All the ship's 
company were teetotallers, and several of them 
were Good Templars. And one of the A.B.'s 
who had held high office in the Order sug- 
gested that we should have a Lodge on 
board, since we were thirty strong. The skip- 
per gladly agreed, and, a dispensation being 
received from the Grand Lod^e of x^ustrala- 
sia (I believe), the " Bulwark of England " 
Lodge was duly constituted. We purchased 
a second-hand set of regalia, one of the A.B.'s 
became Worthy Chief Templar, the skipper 
was Chaplain, the mate Treasurer, myself 



A LONG-FELT WANT SUPPLIED. 215 



Secretary, and so on. Besides being great 
fun, the serious side worked exceedingly well 
and there was no loss of disciplinary force at 
all. And in addition to the Lodge meetings 
in the saloon we had most pleasant services 
conducted by the good old man. Is it any 
wonder, therefore, that she was a happy 
ship ? 

Unhappily these pleasant, almost ideal 
conditions soon came to a close. In the na- 
ture of things our trip to Adelaide could not 
last very long, and a few days after our arrival 
there the news arrived that as soon as the 
cargo was discharged the ship was to pay off 
and be put up for sale. In the meantime the 
good- folks of Port Adelaide were mightily in- 
terested in this unique Lodge of ours, and the 
local Lodges vied with each other to try and 
make our visit pleasant. Thus we made 
troops of friends, and when the time came to 
pay off and distribute the ship's company to 
the four winds there was much genuine re- 
gret. Our Lodge was formally dissolved, the 
regalia was given away, and the members 
thereof departed each unto his own place. 

With three exceptions, — the captain, the 
steward, and myself, who still lived on board 



216 WITH OHRBST AT SEA. 



the old ship to take care of her until a purchaser 
should come along. It was a very pleasant 
life indeed, but of course it could not last long 
in the nature of things. I was the first of 
the trio to leave. The master of a local 
barque came on board one day in a mighty 
hurry, desiring to ship me as mate of his ves- 
sel, which was ordered on a foreign voyage 
and was compelled to carry a man with -at 
least an English second-mate's certificate. 
My old skipper was kindness itself, as usual. 
He said he was extremely loth to lose my com- 
pany, but it was a step up the ladder for me 
to go mate, and I had better take the offer. 
I did so, and in three hours from the time that 
it was made I was standing on her fo'c's'le 
being towed down the river bound to New 
Caledonia. 



217 



CHAPTER XL 

A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 

Not until my new vessel was fairly out up- 
on the bosom of St. Vincent Gulf did I have 
time to meditate upon this sudden change in 
my condition, for I was kept pretty busy pre* 
paring the ship for the voyage, setting sail, 
etc. When breathing-time came I saw that, 
elated as I had been at the sudden elevation 
in my position, there were all the elements of 
trouble in it. The master was a young, ner- 
vous man, somewhat disposed to stand upon 
what little dignity he could muster, but him- 
self placed rather awkwardly for so doing. 
His father, who was an old sea-captain, but 
had long ago retired from active service, ivas 
also owner of the vessel and had taken it into 
his head to come this trip with us. His son, 
having been newly married, had brought his 
wife with him, and the three of them used up 
all the accommodation that the small lower 
cabin held. Therefore I was obliged to share 
the second mate's berth, a little dog-hole of a 



2i8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



place not really large enough for one, not one 
quarter as large as my comfortable room on 
board my last ship. And as I had learned to 
value very highly the privilege of privacy I 
felt somewhat sick at so suddenly losing it 
again. Moreover the owner treated his son 
very much like a big boy, which the latter felt 
keenly, but dared not resent. So he looked, 
naturally enough, as if he would like to pass 
on his father's treatment of him to some one 
beneath him, and I saw at once that the some 
one must needs be me unless I were able to 
hold my own, for the second mate was an el- 
derly Swede who had been in the ship for years 
and combined in himself the various offices of 
bo sun, sailmaker, and watch-keeper, — in fact 
he could and would do anything that was re- 
quired, a wonderfully valuable man to have on 
board such a vessel, and one w T ho knew his 
worth and was not likely to let himself be im- 
posed upon. All the crew were seasoned Co- 
lonial coasting sailors who would not put up 
with any " nonsense," as they called it, from 
anybody, so they must be left alone. 

Now, I was not really needed on board at 
all, having only been engaged for legal pur- 
poses, and the knowledge that £y per month 



j 

A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 219 

was being expended for no adequate return, 
as they thought, was not comforting. But 
.there I was and there I had to remain, mak- 
ing the best of my fifth-wheel-of-a-coach feel- 
ing that I could. For the first few days the 
skipper's young wife being very sick, much of 
his time was taken up with her, and I was 
left to keep my regular watch unmolested, for 
the old gentleman treated me with a peculiarly 
distant courtesy that, while it was puzzling, 
was not altogether unpleasant. When, how- 
ever, the lady began to get about, the old 
gentleman continually worried his son, who, 
in turn, worried me, interfering in my work of 
looking after the ship, making and trimming 
sail, etc., and only let 'me have peace in the 
matter of my navigation. 

Here also there did not appear to be a 
trace of Christianity. They were all decent 
folks enough and well behaved, as sailors 
usually are when the skipper carries his wife, 
but that was all. More than that, they 
were like a family party with an unwelcome 
stranger in the house, which, after the homeli- 
ness of my last ship, was hard for me, the said 
stranger, to bear. So before a week had 
elapsed I was most weary of my lot and 



22o WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



would gladly have exchanged places with one 
of the chaps forward. It was just as much as 
I could do to keep myself from being imposed 
upon and treated boy-fashion, but I did man-* 
age it somehow. 

We had a very fine passage north to Nou- 
mea, making a splendid landfall about midday 
and receiving a French pilot on board, outside 
the great fringing coral reef that guards the 
island. But we found, aft -r we had entered 
between the two pier-like masses of foam 
which marked the gap between the reefs, that 
we must tack up into the harbour. There 
was little room, so our tacks were short, but 
as the little barque was easily handled that 
mattered little. At the fourth tack I, beine on 
the fo'c's'le in my place, the skipper, pilot, and 
second mate all aft, conning the ship as I 
thought, I saw she was heading direct for a 
bluff headland, from the base of which a long 
reef-spur ran straight out to meet us. The 
water being so smooth, there were no break- 
ers to mark it, but the discoloration of the 
otherwise bright blue water was quite suffi- 
cient to show its position. Right on she was 
held toward it, while I kept casting anxious 
glances back to see if the pilot was awake. 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 221 



The three of them aft seemed to be on the 
alert, but at last, when less than her own 
length separated her from the reef, I could 
•stand it no longer, and, with a frantic wave of 
my arms, yelled " Hard up." The skipper 
sprang to the assistance of the helmsman, and 
between them they hove the wheel hard over, 
feeling, as they did so, the long terrible grind- 
ing of the coral barrier along her [side. Fif- 
teen seconds more and she must have been 
totally lost, for she would have run butt into 
the reef at the rate of six or seven knots an 
hour, while the pilot stood like an image of 
stone. It was the only time I ever saw a 
pilot interfered with in my life, but, my word ! 
it was needed then. 

With a feeling of deep content at my heart 
I did the necessary work of trimming sail as 
the vessel sped into the harbour. The skip- 
per came forward, with white, drawn face, to 
ask my version of the incident. And all I 
could tell him was that it appeared to me as if 
the pilot had been seized with a momentary 
suspension of the mental faculties such as 
does undoubtedly seize sometimes upon men 
of middle age at the most critical junctures, 
often occasioning irreparable loss and suffer- 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



inor However, we. consoled ourselves with 
the thought that most probably the ship had 
only suffered the loss of a few sheets of cop- 
per from her bilge. Thenceforward we de- 
voted our attention to getting her safely 
anchored, running well in, past a whole fleet 
of French war-ships, into a most secure 
haven. 

Now, since there was nothing more to be 
done but discharge the cargo, and that work 
was, by the owner's orders, carried out by the 
skipper, my position soon became unbearable. 
I had nothing to do except potter about by 
myself. The bo'sun and the men were en- 
gaged on the cargo, and I, like a supernume- 
rary for whom there was really no place in 
the ship, tried most unsuccessfully to recon- 
cile myself to this miserable state of affairs. 
Except for this I had nothing to complain of, 
for my treatment was punctiliously polite. 
Nevertheless, the unspoken wish that I would 
take myself off was manifest in every look the 
other officers gave me. So in a few days I 
made up my mind that if there was the re- 
motest chance of getting away, I would ask 
for my discharge. 

An opportunity soon presented itself. 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 



Christmas Day arrived, and in the a-fternoon 
I obtained permission to go ashore for a ram- 
ble. On my way thither in the boat I passed 
a couple of lovely little white schooners of the 
fascinating model turned out by the Auckland 
shipbuilders. So beautiful were they that I 
could have fancied them gentlemen's yachts 
had their deck fittings corresponded with 
their graceful outlines. I noticed also that 
they both hailed from Noumea. But pres- 
ently so many strange matters claimed my 
attention ashore that I forgot all about these 
pretty schooners for the time. 

Noumea lay simmering in the fierce trop- 
ical heat, a town where all people slept. 
Along the deserted thoroughfares I plodded 
wearily out into the country, seeking shade 
and finding only stuffiness. By and bye I 
sot back a^ain to the seashore and trudged 
along the sand with burning feet and aching 
head until I found a great rock beneath 
whose shadow I lay down and was soon fast 
asleep. When I awoke the sun was setting 
and there was a delightful feeling of fresh- 
ness in the air. Reinvigorated, I strolled 
back into the town, to find that the popula- 
tion was moving again. As I walked through 



224 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



one of the principal streets I was accosted by 
a huge negro who leaned against the veranda- 
posts of a pretentious building, across the 
front of which was painted the words 
" George Washington Hotel." In unmistak- 
able American accents he invited me to come 
in and rest, telling me that he had "spotted " 
me from afar for an Anglo-Saxon, and saying 
that he guessed he ran this hotel for the ben- 
efit of such members of that distinguished 
race as were unfortunate enough to find 
themselves stranded in this God-forsaken 
hole. Not without some considerable mental 
qualms did I accept his invitation. But I 
realised that I must either do that or go on 
board, as I was hungry, thirsty, and weary. 
So I turned in and purchased some iced bev- 
erage which proved exceedingly refreshing. 
Mine host informed me that there would be a 
Christmas dinner on presently, to which I was 
heartily welcome, and there would be several 
of my countrymen to keep me company. 

This was sufficient inducement to me to 
stay ; indeed I was glad of such an oppor- 
tunity in spite of the trouble I had with my 
conscience about it. For I had never been 
inside the doors of a grog-shop (which, in 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 225 



spite of its magnificent title, was the true 
character of this place) since my conversion. 
However, I argued myself into it, stifling all 
objections that were raised within, and hav- 
ing once done so the rest was easy. The 
company began to arrive, — eight stalwart, 
bearded white men of British and Yankee 
origin. The were extremely cordial, pressing 
all manner of fluid hospitality upon me, and 
being mightily disappointed when I refused. 
They persevered in their attentions until, 
after a little more struggle with that sleepless 
voice within, I consented to take some wine. 
After that, of course, I could not 'go, but sat 
on and listened to some of the most lurid 
tales of South Sea abominations ever imag- 
ined. I wish I could describe the state of 
my mind. As the stream of awful talk flowed 
on I felt I would give anything to be else- 
where, yet something held me fast, I lacked 
the courage to flee. I am afraid I lacked also 
the full desire. So, in order to drown the 
constantly warning voice, I took more and 
more of the wine, until I was sufficiently ex- 
cited to disregard its worrying. 

Thus it came about that one of my new- 
found acquaintances, having ascertained who 



226 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



and what I was, informed me that he was 
skipper of one of the smart schooners which I 
had seen at anchor in the harbour, and 
pointed out a huge Scotchman, sitting oppo- 
site, as his mate. He then told me that he 
wanted a sailing-master, his last one having 
recently died, and he himself knowing no 
navigation. He was going to run down to 
the New Hebrides on a peaceful trading-trip, 
exchanarinor the usual assortment of valueless 
trumpery for sandalwood, copra, and pearl- 
shell, — transactions whereby the original out- 
lay would return something like a thousand 
percent. If I would engage to go with him 
he would pay me /15 a month and I should 
lead a gentleman's life. Here was I dared not 
say a Heaven-sent way out of my troubles, but 
at all events a lucrative way, and so I gladly 
accepted, though not without feeling that the 
step I was taking would be an unblessed one, 
for, contrary to my usual custom, I did not 
ask God to prosper me in it. I felt that the 
attendant circumstances were too doubtful. 

I returned on board and went to my bunk, 
still prayerless, and bearing a sense of wrong- 
doing, but with a feeling that, if I was really 
as wrong as I felt myself to be, I should 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 227 



surely have to bear the result, and with a 
sort of satisfaction at my willingness to pay 
the penalty demanded. It is a curious frame 
of mind, this, and I have often wondered 
whether many Christians experience it. To 
those who have never felt that the central 
fact of their lives is their realised position as 
sons and daughters of the Lord God Al- 
mighty, these harassing mental difficulties 
will appear inexplicable, I know ; but to any 
one who occupies that position they will be 
as clear as possible, even if they themselves 
have never stood on quite the same ground. 
But I humbly conceive that it is the duty of 
a faithful chronicler to omit nothing essen- 
tial from his narrative, even from a dread of 
being misunderstood or not believed, and 
therefore I must needs set down here, as far 
as in me lies the ability so to do, what was 
my mental condition at that time. 

When the owner heard my request for my 
discharge he could hardly conceal his satisfac- 
tion, although, as he had no fault to find, he 
could not help uttering a few conventional 
expressions of regret, of which both he and I 
knew the exact value. So I departed for the 
shore with my belongings. On the way up 



228 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



to the hotel with them I saw a most sorrow- 
ful sight, — a string of men and women, the 
former totally naked save for a string around 
the waist serving a peculiar purpose, and an- 
other string around the neck bearing a tin 
ticket whereon was stamped a number. The 
women had each a single cotton garment like 
a lengthy petticoat, the band buttoned around 
the neck, which also bore a ticket. Leaving 
my clothes at the hotel I hastened to follow 
this forlorn crowd to their destination, a mar- 
ket-place, where, with due legal form, they 
were apprenticed for three years at an aver- 
age salary of a year and certain rations of 
food. To me the whole thing was utterly un- 
distinguishable from slavery, since it was evi- 
dent that these poor, bewildered, grown-up 
children had but the haziest notion of what 
was happening to them, where they were go- 
ing, for how long, or at what remuneration. 
The pitiful, dumb appeal on their faces was 
hard to bear the sight of; indeed I could not 
bear it, and hurried away, full of inarticulate 
rage at some one, I knew not who. 

Little time was wasted by my new em- 
ployer. Two days afterward I had embarked 
and taken up my quarters in the little cabin, 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 



229 



duly installed as sailing-master, and looked 
upon with good-natured contempt by the gi- 
gantic mate. The crew were a jolly set of 
Rarotongan Kanakas, as full of fun as kittens, 
and as smart at their work as heart could 
wish. The way they handled the schooner 
getting under way extorted my utmost admi- 
ration, and I had ample leisure to observe 
them, since I was treated just like a favoured 
passenger. It gave me a queer feeling, though, 
to see the French flag floating overhead. 

Our run down to Mallicolo was swift and 
uneventful, the weather being all that could 
be desired, and but for one thing I should 
have enjoyed it very much. That one draw- 
back was the behaviour of my two white ship- 
mates : they drank incessantly of "square" 
gin, and their sole conversation was a string 
of blood-curdling blasphemies. Because I 
could not join them and scarcely opened my 
mouth, they were offended, but presently 
agreed that I was a poor kind of idiot whom 
it was perhaps best to let go my own way so 
lone as I did the work for which thev carried 
me. So I gradually shrank closer and closer 
into myself, full of self-reproaches for having 
come, and trying to regain the peace of mind 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



I had lost by acknowledging that I was only 
receiving my just deserts. But when we 
reached my first calling-place I saw with sud- 
denly wide-opened eyes what I really had 
done for myself. I was in a " Blackbirder," — 
an officer of one of those hateful vessels that 
I had heard described with such wealth of 
lurid detail when I was a lad on the Australian 
coast, and I remembered the hanging of some 
of the fiends at Darlinghurst gaol for that 
they were caught red-handed stealing men ! 

Then I resolved that, come what might, I 
would have no hand in the business, for it 
would be a comparatively easy matter to let 
one's self be shot, if need be, rather than be an 
accessory to such a crime against fellow men 
as that. The ostensible legality of the whole 
black business did not deceive me at all, and 
after the first transaction, when I saw how 
the childlike ignorance of those poor savages 
was traded upon, how the scoundrelly inter- 
preter prophesied smooth things and painted 
glowing pictures of the golden career which 
was opening up for them, I was absolutely 
certain that my first impressions were correct. 
Of the conditions of life on board, the de- 
bauchery open and unashamed, the bestial 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 231 



degradation, I dare not speak more fully. 
The plain language in which alone those do- 
ings could be characterised would not only 
shock but disgust my readers, and in any case 
a recital of them, if permissible, could do 
little or no good. Therefore, with a feeling 
of relief I pass swiftly over the six weeks or 
so spent among the islands, over forty days 
of horrible nightmare, during which time I 
was never once able to get away from those 
sights and sounds for a single day. 

Nothing, I think, ever gave me such exqui- 
site pleasure as did the sight of New Cale- 
donia again, for it meant to me the closing of 
a chapter of horrors in my life that ever since 
has seemed to belong to some temporary ab- 
sence in the infernal regions. In that small 
vessel we brought two hundred and four Kan- 
akas, of both sexes, to Noumea, half of which 
were, I do not hesitate to say, as much kid- 
napped as any central African natives have 
ever been by Arabs. Six of them died on the 
short passage from Tanna to Noumea, and 
were dropped overboard amid the piercing 
wails of their companions ; but I thought 
grimly that they were the fortunate ones, not 
those left behind. Yet even now I have to 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



admit that those two traders were not as bad 
as they might have been. They kept faith 
with me. They did not try to coerce me into 
aiding them in their infernal traffic. They 
did, in short, all they could for me, — they left 
me alone ; and I hope that for this mercy I 
was sufficiently grateful. 

Perhaps I need not say that I was intensely 
thankful to find a vessel in Noumea needing 
a chief mate, a colonial barque bound to Pam, 
in the north of the island, to load copper ore 
for Newcastle, N.S.W. To get on board of 
her out of that hateful place, and to know 
that I should soon be far away. from it and its 
vilenesses, was inexpressibly gratifying. So, 
when we weighed and began to work round 
the great island, inside of the barrier reef, 
through the smooth blue waters of the lagoon, 
I was so happy that I almost felt as if the 
price I had paid was not too much. I did not 
think of the soul-scars I bore, neither did I 
anticipate the penalty presently to be paid. 
But it was due, and, on the sixth day after 
leaving Noumea, when we were within about 
twenty miles of our destination, I took the 
wheel from the helmsman, telling him to go 
and get his breakfast. I had only a few min- 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 233 



utes before lost my broad-leafed hat and was 
wearing a close cloth cap. The sun was blaz- 
ing down upon me, but I had never heeded 
that much, so I took no notice. And then 
suddenly, like a blow from a sledge-hammer, 
something" smote me on the head and I 

o 

remembered no more. 

When I returned to consciousness, about 
six hours after, all my strength had gone. 
Not only so, but it seemed as if my throat had 
closed up, for when some one placed a panni- 
kin of water to my parched lips I could not 
swallow. Desire for food was gone, but a 
consuming thirst remained which I was unable 
to satisfy. There I lay, a useless log, but with 
my mind quite clear and busy with many spec- 
ulations. Everything going on around me I 
took note of, and presently heard that the 
skipper was also ill and as unable to move as 
I was. But the vessel was taken safely into 
harbour and anchored, the sole merchant ship 
there ; all the others, some five or six, being 
French war-vessels. 

The events of the following days during 
our stay are all like some fevered dream. 
So weak that I was unable to lift a hand to 
my head, I was a prey to the ravishes of myri- 



234 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



ads of the most savage mosquitoes I ever 
felt, until I used to become delirious, so my 
shipmates told me. With returning con- 
sciousness came such misery that I prayed 
earnestly for death. And my poor com- 
mander was also in evil case. He had just this 
advantage over me, that he was delirious the 
whole time and so was happily unconscious of 
how much he was suffering. The only re- 
lief we eot from the dreadful insects — mos- 
quitoes, sandflies, and other flies, all blood- 
thirsty — was to have a fire made in the 
cabin, whereon cakes of cattle-dung were 
laid, filling the whole place with a thick yel- 
low smoke which was more than the vermin 
could endure. Then, when not one cranny re- 
mained free from this pungent acrid vapour, 
the door and skylights were closed, and we 
slept, the temperature being about 105 . We 
had no proper food and no medicine. A 
doctor from the French war-vessel Lamothe- 
Picqttet did visit us and give us one dose each, 
but as it nearly drove what little vitality we 
had left out of us, we dispensed with his ser- 
vices in future. 

Meanwhile the crew, under the second mate, 
toiled like beavers to get the cargo in, so that 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 235 

we might flee. No attempt was made to stow 
the bags of copper ore, they were just dumped 
down the hatchways in three heaps, and as 
soon as ever she was considered to be deep 
enough the anchor was Lifted and she was 
hauled outside the harbour, where a fresh 
breeze was blowing pretty continuously. 
There we waited until the French mail 
steamer (coaster) came along, and from her 
we obtained the services of an officer to navi- 
gate the vessel across to Newcastle. 

We sailed immediately and for two days 
made fair progress, with a pleasant, steady 
breeze and fine weather. Then the sky began 
to look menacing, the wind rose to a gale, and 
the ill-used ship, her dreadful burden tearing at 
her bowels, complained in every fibre. Worse 
and worse grew the weather, higher and higher 
rose the sea, while I lay helplessly in my dark 
bunk, listening to the wild uproar above. I 
heard the masts roll over the side, heard the 
full, sullen roar of the water in the hold, and 
the ceaseless " clankity-clang-bang " of the 
old-fashioned pumps. No one came near me; 
they were all labouring at utmost strain to 
try and save the ship. But in face of what I 
felt to be certain death I was quite at peace. 



236 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



My vitality was at so low an ebb that life had 
ceased to seem desirable ; all that I craved 
for was one cool hand to be laid upon my 
burning, aching head. By and by the stew- 
ard (who was also cook) remembered me and 
brought me a little food, such as I was by this 
Lime able to swallow. I thanked him feebly, 
and in return he overwhelmed me with foul 
abuse. He accused me of malingering, of ly- 
ing" there shamming" while better men were 
being worked to death. If he were the second 
mate, he said, he would drag me on deck by 
the throat, and I should work or die. 

Even this did not excite any feeling of re- 
sentment at the time, for the same reason, I 
suppose, that the imminent proximity of death 
gave me no uneasiness, — I was past feeling in 
that direction. And in this wretched state I 
remained for four days, during which the only 
kind offices that were rendered me came from 
the overworked second mate, — a splendid 
man if ever there was one. He told me that 
the skipper had recovered his reason, but was, 
like myself, utterly helpless, and, like me, re- 
duced to a mere skeleton. He said that he 
had jettisoned about a hundred and fifty tons 
of the ore, but that the water in the ship was 



A DIP INTO TARTARUS. 



washing over the 'tween-deck beams and the 
crew was nearly done. Also that the French 
officer had forgotten his navigation, if indeed 
he had ever known any, and that conse- 
quently no one knew where the ship was. 
If by any means I could be got on deck and 
there ascertain the ship's position, it would 
put heart into the men, for at present the ves- 
sel, with only the three lowermasts and the 
stump of the foretopmast standing, was drift- 
ing idly nowhither. 

Immediately he said this I sent up a swift 
petition to the Father that I might be granted 
sufficient strength and returning memory to 
do this thing for the sake of my shipmates. 
At once I felt sure that I should be able. 
John dragged me on deck, lashed me in a sit- 
ting posture by the tafTrail, got my sextant 
and put it in my trembling hands, and then 
went below, leaving the skylight wide open, 
to take the time by the chronometer when I 
should sin^ out. The Fren chman stood near 
with a sarcastic smile upon his swarthy face. 
For some time I could not hold the instru- 
ment steady enough to catch the sun's image 
at all, but gradually my shattered nerves 
quieted a little (I was praying fervently all 



238 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



the while) until I managed to get a good 
altitude. I called out " Stop ! " but alas, my 
voice was like the mew of a just-born* kitten 
and the sight was lost. Then I looked ap- 
pealingly at the Frenchman, who came up 
and succeeded in understanding what I wanted. 
Next shot he passed the word along, and the 
altitude and time were obtained. 

John got me down below again and secured 
me to the cabin table with my book and 
paper. Then for nearly two hours I wrestled 
with the problem of finding the longitude, 
which under normal conditions would have 
taken me about ten minutes. By the time it 
was finished it was nearly noon, and in the 
same laborious, bungling way I got the merid- 
ian altitude and then the latitude. Thor- 
oughly done, but with a feeling of intense 
gratitude and triumph, I made the course and 
distance to Cape Moreton light, eighty miles 
W. S.W., and as the wind was fresh from 
the eastward it looked hopeful for our reach- 
ing there the next morning. I had only just 
time to give John the course when I fell back 
unconscious. 



CHAPTER XII. 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 

When I recovered consciousness it was 
dark, and the vessel was rolling steadily, her 
motion informing me that she was running 
dead before the wind. I was lying in my 
bunk, and soon the second mate came down, 
telling me that the wind was holding, and 
that if my observations were correct we 
should sight Cape Moreton light before mid- 
night. Murmuring a dreamy *' Thank God," 
I laid myself back again, with a grateful feel- 
ing that I was able to raise myself that much 
without assistance. Between sleeping and 
waking, the rest of the dark hours sped away 
until, clear above the clang of the pumps and 
the sullen roar of the flood in the hold, a voice 
reached my ear, " Light right ahead.'* Now, 
I cannot explain how it was, but I felt no in- 
tense joy at this, a message of life to all hands, 
only a calm sense of satisfaction, as of some 
blessing coming that had been confidently 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



counted upon, about the arrival of which 
there had never been any doubt whatever. 

When morning broke we were only about 
six miles seaward of Cape Moreton, but the 
wind had changed and we could make no fur- 
ther advance toward it. The men were al- 
most at their last ounce of strength and the 
water in the hold was gaining ominously. 
Were we, after all, to sink in sight of port ? 
The second mate dragged me on deck again 
and secured me in a prominent position where 
I could see the land. For nearly an hour I sat 
there, dimly picturing the last scene, when 
the worn-out vessel and her bravely-enduring 
crew should be swallowed up by the envious 
sea. Then behind the cape there rose a long 
smear of smoke against the bright blue sky, 
and presently there came rushing seaward one 
of the fine steamers of the Australian Steam 
Navigation Company. Seeing our inverted 
ensign, conveying its message of utmost need, 
she altered her course and came proudly down 
to us, a veritable sea-angel of deliverance. 
Halting close alongside, she lowered a boat, 
and the chief officer came on board. He was 
horrified to see our desperate condition, es- 
pecially when he was told that we might sink 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 



at any moment. A hawser was soon passed 
on board, and in half an hour from the time 
we first saw the steamer we were being rapidly 
towed into safety. Being in haste to reach 
her destination with the mails, she relinquished 
us to the first tug that came up, and, with the 
fervent good wishes of all on board, she turned 
and sped away northward. 

A few hours afterward I was beine exam- 
ined by a sympathetic doctor, who ordered my 
immediate removal to the hospital for nursing 
back to strength. The skipper, strangely 
enough, had recovered his sane consciousness 
as we towed up the river, but he refused to go 
into hospital, preferring to get strong again 
in private lodgings. I bade him good-bye 
with sincere regret, for we had been compan- 
ions in suffering if we had had but little op- 
portunity for knowing each other's qualities. 
With faithful, sturdy John, the second mate, 
I parted most reluctantly, nor did I ever hear 
of him, much less see him again. But he 
lingers in my memory still, as fresh and vivid 
as ever, a simple, heroic soul who, without 
making any profession of serving God, did 
Him the service He most desires, — the ser- 
vice of duty faithfully, unostentatiously done, 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



of doing- that which his hand found t ) do, 
with all his might, good measure, pressed 
down and running over. He was a much- 
despised (in British mercantile marine cir- 
cles) " squarehead," a Russian Finn, of Hel- 
singfors, but in all my wanderings I never met 
a man whom I would rather have at my back 
in time of utmost need than John Olsen. 

Very tenderly the resident surgeon in Bris- 
bane Hospital nursed me back to strength 
again, but I am afraid I repaid him most un- 
gratefully by taking the first opportunity af- 
forded me, in permission to go for a walk, in 
getting paid off from the ship and booking 
my passage back to Adelaide. When I told 
him what I had done he was very angry with 
me, averring that I was quite unfit to go, and, 
moreover, that I was most foolish to relin- 
quish my lien on the ship. However, my long 
detention irked me greatly, and besides I had 
received a letter from home that made me 
ache to return. I was still a mere walking 
skeleton, weighing only some ninety-eight 
pounds instead of my then normal weight of 
one hundred and fifty-four, but I was eating 
voraciously and gaining strength rapiclly. 

So I went my way on the long passage down 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 



south, enjoying the novel sensation of being 
the guest of the officers, and lording it lei- 
surely on board ship, to the full. When I ar- 
rived in Adelaide 1 was very nearly fit for sea 
again ; but a kind friend there insisted upon 
making me welcome to his home, where his 
mother cared for me most thoughtfully. But 
I had only been there one day when Captain 
Seator found me out and came to see me, full 
of indignation that I had not odven h mi w hat 
he was pleased to call the privilege of entertain- 
ing me. I had quite a job to explain to him 
that I could have no idea that he would still 
be there, but eventually succeeded, and he 
then devoted all his energies to serving me in 
another way. He must have taken an im- 
mense deal of trouble on my behalf, as one 
day he came in, beaming, to tell me that he had 
got me a berth as second mate of the finest 
ship in the harbour, the Harbinger, belonging 
then to Messrs. Anderson, Anderson, & Co. 
Oh, how pleased he was ! And when he came 
down to see me off I am sure no father could 
have bade his son a more affectionate farewell. 

My new ship was by far the most splendid 
sailing-vessel that I had ever seen, and, with 
the sole exception of her sister, the Hesperus, 



244 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



which was somewhat larger, she remained so, 
being indeed in every particular all that a sea- 
man could desire for comfort, for beauty, and 
for speed, while her size — about 2,500 tons 
burden — was satisfactory to me, ever fond of 
a " great " ship. She was fitted luxuriously 
for the carriage of passengers, both first and 
second class, of whom we had, for that pas- 
sage, about sixty all told. At first I was quite 
perceptibly overawed by her splendour, but I 
soon orot over that, the master beine an ex- 
naval officer who, while he was a strict disci- 
plinarian, was also a most just and kindly 
man. Moreover I was delighted with my 
neat little cabin, where I had the most com- 
plete privacy for the first time since leaving 
Captain Seator. This really struck me as the 
greatest blessing of all. 

I soon fell into the ways of my new ship, 
which were more orderly and regular than 
those of any vessel I have ever served in. I 
made up my mind that I was going to be very 
hap.py ; that this was to be the beginning of 
a new era of prosperity for me ; and I thought 
with calm delight of her who was so patiently 
waiting at home for me, — how this sudden 
stroke of fortune would enable us to marry 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 



?45 



and have a home of our own. But presently I 
found that, although there were so many per- 
sons on board, I was without society of any 
kind. I was prohibited from entertaining- pas- 
sengers in my berth ; I might not go forward 
into the second cabin ; the chief officer was a 
saturnine, elderly man who associated with no- 
body ; and there was no other member of the 
crew with whom I mi^ht forefather. So I 
led the life of a hermit, my sole companion a 
tiny black kitten. It took me some little time 
to reconcile myself to this new mode of life 
after my long spell of bustling society, but 
once the first strangeness of it had worn away 
I was not unhappy. 

Speaking with all necessary reserve, I should 
say that there was no attempt made, even in 
this fine ship, to recdgnise the existence of 
God by holding divine service. It may seem 
strange that I should have any doubt about 
it, but the matter is easily, explainable. By 
a special arrangement I was made to keep 
the u eight hours out" every night ; that is to 
say, my only night sleep was from midnight 
till 4 a. m., consequently I always slept in the 
forenoon from about 9.30 till 11.45, which 
would be the time when service would beheld, 



246 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



if at all. But I am inclined to think that if 
there had been any I should have known of 
it. In any case I am sure that no religious 
service ever included the crew. As far as I 
was concerned, my religious life was fostered 
by the quiet, contemplative existence I led. 
In the long night watches of the tropics I en- 
joyed to the full that pleasant communion with 
the eternities that lies within reach of every 
sailor, ancl I was not harassed by constant 
friction with men totally undisciplined, as is 
the case in most of our merchant ships. So 
that, all things being considered, it was a very 
comfortable, profitable time. 

We made a long passage, calling at Cape 
Town to land some passengers and cargo. 
I should have noted here that several of our 
passengers were consumptives who had been 
ordered a sea voyage, but, strangely enough, 
none of them did well. Perhaps the intended 
remedy had been delayed too long. At any 
rate, three of the patients left us at Cape 
Town, very ill, and when we arrived at home 
we heard that all were fully recovered. One 
young fellow, of gigantic frame, having been 
very poorly all the passage from Adelaide to 
the Cape, brightened up so much upon arri- 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 



val in port that I was quite deceived into im- 
agining that he had taken a sudden, turn for 
the better. But, seeing him painfully climb- 
ing the cabin stairs to come on deck the 
morning after our departure from Table Bay, 
I asked him how he did, — there seemed such 
an unearthly change again. He replied in 
short, thick gasps, that he was " so much bet- 
ter, the improvement was wonderful." That 
evening at eight he died, and his burial next 
day was a most solemn and affecting cere- 
mony at which all hands were present, and 
several of the passengers were moved to tears. 
But I cannot say whether it had any lasting 
effect upon any one's heart, because I do not 
know. 

Then came, for me, one of the most un- 
happy experiences I have ever met with. 
We had a quartermaster, an Orkney man, 
whose name I have forgotten, but whose fea- 
tures, almost as dark as those of a Hindoo, 
are ineffaceably branded upon my memory. 
He was spare in body and languid in his move- 
ments, as well as exceedingly silent. When 
he was steering he would often loll upon the 
rim of the wheel in extremely unseamanlike 
fashion, for which it was my duty to chide 



2 4 8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

him whenever I saw him doing it. But he 
never complained or tried to excuse himself 
in any way, nor did it ever occur to me that 
there was anything the matter with him. He 
kept his watch and took his regular trick at 
the wheel right along, until we arrived in St. 
Helena and anchored, when he took to his 
bed. Being very busy, seizing the opportun- 
ity to get the ship painted outside, I did not 
miss him, and knew nothing of his being laid 
up until, at six that evening, the doctor, in 
passing, said, " That quartermaster of yours 
is going home fast." I was simply horrified, 
incredulous. But I hastened forward at once, 
and, apologising for the. intrusion, entered 
the fo'c's'le, one. of those shameful places for 
the housing of men that are still to be found 
in many ships, beneath the topgallant fore- 
castle, and groped my way forward into the 
eyes of her, where I found him. It was so 
dark that I could not see his face for some 
time, the air of the den being unbearably foul 
in spite of the fact of the hawse-pipes being 
open. The din of half-drunken men oam- 
bling for tobacco and shouting at each other 
long strings of blasphemous exclamations was 
deafening, and in the midst of it all this man 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 



was dying. I spoke in his ear, uttering the 
Name of comfort very clearly, but he made 
no sign. I prayed as I do not think I have 
ever prayed before or since, that he might be 
comforted in his passing, and while I prayed, 
amid that inferno, he died. Then, turning 
round to the noisy crowd, I said : " Boys, 
your shipmate is dead." For perhaps a min- 
ute there was a profound silence, then a voice 
somewhere in the gloom cackled, " 'E'sadamn 
sight better off'n I am," at which there was a 
round of unmirthful laughter. 

The poor body was carried out and laid 
aside, until an undertaker from Jamestown 
could be procured, since we might not legally 
dispose of it at sea. The next day the coffin 
and undertaker arrived, and the corpse was 
laid in its last receptacle. Pausing for a mo- 
ment, before fitting on the cover, the under- 
taker asked if any one would like to take a 
last look. I, alone of the ship's company, ac- 
cepted the invitation, and never while I live 
shall I forget the expression of perfect peace 
upon those worn features. Since then I have 
only twice looked upon the face of the dead, 
once upon the face of my own dear little son, 
but even his calm features did not wear such a 



250 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



look of absolute content as did those of that 
long-suffering quartermaster. 

Being in charge of the ship during the ab- 
sence of the captain and mate, I could not 
attend the funeral, but I thought little of that, 
being even then exceedingly averse to the 
notion of confounding the cast-off house of 
the departed one with that which had in- 
habitated it, and regarding the dead body as 
nothing more or less than any other piece of 
inanimate matter. When the funeral party 
returned on board we weighed and put to 
sea, and from then homeward had a most 
pleasant though slow passage, the whole 
period from Adelaide being a hundred and 
thirty clays. 

When we were entering the dock the ship's 
husband came on board and formally compli- 
mented the mate and myself upon the smart 
appearance of the ship. This emboldened 
me to ask him whether I might hope to be 
retained in the Company's service, supposing 
that the captain was willing. He shook his 
head, saying : 

" You see, we have so many of our own 
young officers to provide for that we are un- 
able to employ outsiders except in such a case 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 251 

as your own, where a promotion abroad 
makes a vacancy. Have you a first mate's 
certificate ? " 

I admitted that I had not, but felt sure of 
getting one upon going up for examination, 
as I proposed doing. 

" Well," he replied, " in any case we 
couldn't take you as second mate, in a ship 
like this, without a first mate's certificate. If 
you pass, you can come and see if there's any 
chance." 

I felt that it was hopeless, but I vowed that 
I w r ould do so. 

With the rest of the crew I was discharged, 
receiving from the captain an excellent testi- 
monial, and then did what most people would 
call a mad thing, — I got married. " What !" 
you will say, "with no prospects, barely 
twenty-one, and only the few pounds earned 
within the last four months at your dispo- 
sal ?" Yes, and while admitting fully the un- 
wisdom of the act from a worldly point of 
view, I plead my heart-hunger for a home, 
for some central point to which I might look 
forward in all my journeying, an anchorage 
whereto I might return and be heartily wel- 
come for myself alone. 



252 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

I cannot say what I would like upon this 
topic, but I do ask you, my reader, to 
try and imagine how you would feel if you 
had never known the delights of a home, at 
the prospect of erecting one of your own, 
however humble. But why should I make 
excuses for this rash act. Much suffering en- 
sued, it is true; but, looking back over the 
weary years that have elapsed since that Mon- 
day morning when we two friendless young- 
sters bound ourselves to each other in Maryle- 
bone Church, I say boldly that if it were 
again to do I would do it and rejoice. Yes, 
I am impenitent, and she who has suffered 
with me is likewise unrepentant. 

Is it necessary to say that we were very 
happy? We had one small room, in which 
the furniture was not our own, and for which 
we paid the magnificent sum of five shillings 
a week. And we refused to look ahead. We 
knew that we could get no comfort by doing 
that, so we made the present provide us with 
all the satisfaction we craved. Such a little 
of the joy of human life we had, but how we 
did appreciate it ! 

Then came the sorrow. I passed for chief 
mate as easily as I had done for second, and 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 253 



immediately went down to my old ship only 
to find a second mate already on duty, — a 
mere lad just out of his time. I turned away, 
sick at heart, for I knew that now it was the 
longest of odds against my getting a berth as 
officer, especially as my little store of sover- 
eigns had dwindled to only two or three. 

Strange to say, that fatal diffidence of mine 
was now worse than ever. I fought a ter- 
rible battle with myself every time I went on 
board a ship to ask for a berth. When I was 
answered with what seemed to be the univer- 
sal "No," I shrank away like a whipped dog. 
To me, as to few men, I believe, those won- 
derful words of Longfellow's " Vision Splem 
did " appeal : 

" Who, amid their wants and woes, 
Hear the sound of doors that close 
And of feet that pass them by ; 
Grown familiar with disfavour, 
Grown familiar with the savour 
Of the bread by which men die. ,, 

Oh, those wear.y dock tramps, day after 
day returning with the sickening certainty 
that soon I must go, in whatever capacity ! 
The heavens above me seemed as brass : I 
eot no reassurance of comfort there. I felt re- 



254 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

bellious, — I do not deny it. Again and again 
I asked myself, " What have I done to de- 
serve this at the hands of the Lord? Is this 
the price that He demands for my few days 
of happiness ?" At last, when not one penny 
remained, I shipped as A. B., in a big Liver- 
pool ship bound to Calcutta, and when I re- 
turned home and told my young wife (she 
was only eighteen) what I had done she sat 
rigid and white as if turned into stone, until, 
with a moan like a wounded animal, she 
sank back upon the floor and Nature relieved 
her with kindly tears. 

The bitterest pang that I now had to endure 
was that, in addition to my absence, my wife 
would have to bear the pinch of poverty. My 
wages were now three pounds a month, so that 
my wife's income was about eight shillings 
a week. Of course she would have to work, 
and we could only hope that work would always 
be obtainable. But she bore up most bravely 
after the first shock had passed, and saw me 
off dry-eyed, while I, with a hundred conflicting 
emotions tearing at my heart, was so busy 
that I had barely time to wave a last good-bye. 

Fortunately for me there was no time to 
dwell upon my sorrows. Out of a crew of 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 255 



twenty A.B.'s only four were fit for work, 
the rest being all more or less drunk, so, as 
always happens, the few sober ones were al- 
most worked to death trying to make up for 
their shipmates' deficiencies. Much to my 
disgust we did not anchor at Gravesend so as 
to get matters a little bit shipshape before 
going to sea, but went straight on, towing as far 
as Beachy Head before the tug left us to our 
own devices. 

By that time I had found out the kind of 
crowd I was condemned to live with for prob- 
ably four months. Out of nineteen there 
were only four who could be spoken to at all 
with any prospect of a decent answer, and 
even those four were overborne by the weight 
of their evil shipmates. The skipper, how- 
ever, was a most godly man, full of sincere 
love for the Lord and for his fellow men. 
Unhappily he did not possess that instinct of 
command, also, which would have enabled him 
to make his ship as happy as the West York. 
Whether it was that he was getting too old 
for his post, or that his vitality was too much 
enfeebled, I do not know, but with much re- 
gret I have to say that he was lacking in that 
most essential quality of a seaman, courage. 



256 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



This, of course, could not be hidden from the 
crew when the first gale was encountered, and 
thenceforward his authority over them was a 
thing of naught. But I am getting along too 
fast. 

We had very good weather down Channel, 
but tediously unfavourable winds, which gave 
us, of course, much work tacking ship. Dur- 
ing this irksome time I found that an elderly 
seaman to whom I had been able to do a 
small favour at the shipping-office was long 
past his work. He was very willing, but his 
physical powers were gone. Only fifty-eight 
years of age, too ; but people ashore little 
dream how fearfully hard is the wear of the 
ordinary merchant seaman's life. Occasion- 
ally one does find a hale old skipper, but a 
hale old seaman never. The bad food, bad 
air of the fo'c's'le, vicissitudes of climate and 
sudden severe strain alternating with times of 
great relaxation, are all unfavourable to 
longevity or sustained good health, even with- 
out the usual recurrence of debauch on being 
paid off. 

This poor old chap was therefore on his 
last legs, and in addition he had been sleep- 
ing about the streets, turned out of the Sail- 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 257 



ors' Home as being unable to pay, and not 
being a sufficiently promising subject for the 
interested charity of the boarding-master, who 
will often shelter a " cast-out " from the Home 
for the sake of the advance-note he will pres- 
ently receive. We were in the same watch, 
and, seeing that his mind was favourably in- 
clined toward me, I took the opportunity of 
having a little friendly chat with him upon 
eternal matters. Not entirely unselfish, I am 
afraid, for it took my mind off my own sorrow. 
But he would hear nothing about Christ, the 
Friend. The mere mention of the blessed 
Name made him furiously angry, nor would he 
vouchsafe me one single word of explanation 
of this strange mental attitude. Therefore I 
was compelled to confine myself to conversa- 
tion about other matters, and to letting him 
tell me his sorrowful story. 

On Saturday afternoon the wind veered a 
little in our favour and we made all sail, but in 
less than an hour afterward the weather wors- 
ened so much that all hands were called to 
shorten sail. Just at the close of the work the 
old seaman, Wilson, although he had been for- 
bidden by the mate to go aloft, went need- 
lessly up to do some trivial task on the fore- 



258 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



mast. I shouted to him to come down, that 
I would do the job, but he either could not 
hear or would not heed, and before I had 
finished the task I was upon he fell close by 
my side, upon his head, on the deck. I 
stooped to raise him, but he was quite dead. 
He was carried aft and sewn up by the sail- 
maker, ready for burial next morning. 

That was an affecting scene, for the old cap- 
tain was deeply moved, and not only read the 
burial service, but pleaded most earnestly and 
pathetically with his men, over the dead body, 
that they would take this solemn warning. 
And when, afterward, the bell sounded for 
church in the saloon, no one was absent that 
could possibly come. Yet I date my being 
sent to Coventry by my shipmates from that 
morning, for when the first hymn was given 
out I raised the tune, and this simple act of 
mine seemed to set them all against me, aided, 
as it doubtless was, by the old gentleman's 
asking me if I would select the hymns in fu- 
ture. When we £Ot forward a^ain there was 
a good deal of scurrilous talk at my expense, 
and all the good effect that appeared to have 
been produced by the solemn scene of the 
morning had entirely vanished. 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 259 

Thenceforward matters got worse and worse 
until I was driven to live as much as possible 
by myself, only coming into the fo'c's'le when 
I was obliged to. The discipline of the ship 
became very bad, too, for .none of the crew 
but the sailmaker, who was a good Christian 
man, paid any respect to the skipper, not even 
his officers. And he, poor old gentleman, 
unintentionally made matters harder for me 
by talking to me at the wheel, a mark of fa- 
vouritism noted at once and savagely resented 
by my shipmates as a proof of my being a spy. 
It seemed a strange position to me that he aft 
and I forward should both be so completely 
shut off from the sympathies and affections of 
our shipmates. Yet any breach in the un- 
written but inexorable rules of sea-etiquette, 
such as he did occasionally indulge in by talk- 
ing to me in a friendly manner, was sure to 
culminate sooner or later in big trouble for 
both of us. Already the three officers were 
"down" on me, not because of my work, — for 
that, thank God, they could find no fault 
with, — but for the skipper s sake. 

The whole thins: culminated at last one 
Saturday afternoon in the Indian Ocean. 
The weather suddenly became very threaten- 



•26o WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



ing, and as we had our fair-weather suit of 
sails bent the skipper judged it prudent to 
shift the topsails and foresail for the best ones 
we carried. He therefore gave orders for all 
hands to turn out at one o'clock for the pur- 
pose, which meant that the watch to which I 
belonged would not get their usual afternoon 
below. Now in many ships, especially Ameri- 
can ships, the crew are never allowed to feel 
that they have any right to an afternoon watch 
below, but the general practice is to give the 
men the time, reserving the right to call on 
them in any case of necessity. Our watch, 
however, flatly refused to go on deck, with 
the sole exception of myself. Then the skip- 
per called them all aft and reasoned with them 
(how paltry and ridiculous this will sound to 
sailors of the old .school !), but for all answer 
they gave him scurrilous abuse while the offi- 
cers stood by and said nothing. There was a 
great deal of talk, but in the end they went 
forward again, leaving me to go on with the 
watch on deck. 

I do not wish to do more than hint at the 
nature of the remarks made to me by my 
watchmates, more than to say that they com- 
prised promises of hideous bodily injury 



MOUNTAIN AND VALLEY. 



worthy of the invention of Iroquois Indians, 
and that in the result, without my saying one 
word or taking a single precaution, not a hand 
was lifted against me.. It was an experience 
that did me a vast amount of eood. 



CHAPTER XIII. 



A STEADY SETBACK. 

Before leaving for ever the subject of this 
particular ship I must gratefully record one 
incident that cheered me very much. It 
happened after the mutiny of which I spoke 
on page 260 of the preceding chapter, and long 
after the skipper had given up in despair his 
well-meant endeavours to hold service for 
his crew's benefit. One lovely night I was 
sitting — alone, as usual — on the fore hatch, 
communing with my own heart in the solemn 
stillness of my surroundings, when one of my 
watchmates, a simple-minded, good-natured 
fellow enough if the other wretches would 
only have left him alone, came and flung him- 
self down by my side. Without any prelimi- 
nary but a startled glance all around to see if 
any one was near, he said : 

" Look 'ere, ole man ; I sh'd like ter know 
sumfin' 'bout this ere 'liofion o' vourn. I've 
heerd lots o' stuff talked by mishnaries an' 



A STEADY SETBACK, 263 

parsons, but I couldn't never make nuthin' 
out of it. On'y I b'en watchin' yer fer a long 
time now, an' it fair licks me ow yer kin go 
on all this time with all han's a chippin' at 
yer, and yet ye don't seem a bit mis'bul. I 
sh'd 'a b'en fair loony, long ago, — jumped 
overboard or sumfin'." 

To put the matter on the lowest ground, I 
was certainly much delighted at the chance of 
a little rational conversation on the one sub- 
ject above all others that interested me, as 
well as proud that my conduct had met, in 
one instance at least, with the approval of 
one of my shipmates, however humble. So, 
with a silent word for sanctified common- 
sense, I began to talk, and he listened with 
almost painful intensity of earnestness until 
eieht bells struck. In a few minutes we 
went below, to turn in, but the moment we 
entered the door my auditor was greeted with 
a burst of basphemous enquiries which I 
would not, even if I dared, repeat. Then he 
burst forth : 

" Yes, you're a lot o' beauties, you are. 

There ain't the pluck o' one louse among th' 
'ole lot o' yer. Anybody'd think each o' yer 
kep a privit berryin'-groun' o' yer own, the 



264 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



way ye sling yer jaw ; but there ain't one o' 
yer 'at's dared to lay a finger on this yer man 
ye've be'n a-threatenin' of all the passage. 
But I'm bettin' my bottom dollar 'at if the 

ship was a-goin' down you'd all be well a- 

howlin' ter God Awlmighty to save yer dirty 
little rags o' souls. W'y y'ain't got 'arf a soul 
between th' 'ole oranor. Garn, I've seen better 
men et up by cockroaches afore now." 

I have only faintly indicated, for obvious 
reasons, the swear words with which this 
harangue was so forcibly punctuated, but it 
may be taken for granted that they v: re 
plentiful and pungent. Their effect, too, w;:s 

instantaneous. The ra^e of the fellows was 

<_> 

so violent that for the first time that voyage I 
really exoected they would proceed to the 
last extremity. So I leaned over the side of 
my bunk (I slept immediately above my 
would-be champion) and said : 

" Don't say any more, there's a good fellow. 
You can't do any good, and it only makes 
matters worse for me. Wait ; you won't 
always be in a ship like this." 

He looked up at me speechlessly for a 
moment, but made no further sign than to 
bury his face in his grimy pillow and take no 



A STEADY SETBACK. 



265 



more notice of anybody. And as I never 
took any notice of them the tumult soon died 
away and quiet reigned. 

We reached Calcutta without further inci- 
dent, and I now reaped the benefit of the 
skipper's partiality by being allowed ashore 
whenever I wished to go. This was nearly 
every night and all day Sunday, for here I 
rapidly found most congenial quarters. But 
before going into the matter of those pleasant 
times I must say that the mutineers were 
brought up before the shipping-master in 
Calcutta and fined two days' pay for an action 
that might have jeopardised the ship herself 
and struck at the very root of all authority, 
besides being perfectly uncalled for. Is it 
any wonder that discipline is at a low ebb in 
the British mercantile marine? Of course 
they all returned on board again, firmly con- 
vinced that they were at liberty to do as they 
pleased about obeying orders so long as they 
were willing to forfeit a few shillings of pay. 

And now I gladly acknowledge that in 
spite of the intense heat and generally trying 
climatic conditions of Calcutta I managed to 
pass a very pleasant time. On Sundays I 
left the ship early in the morning and did not 



266 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



return on board again until about ten at night, 
dividing my time between the comfortable 
room of Colonel Haig's Mission in the Radha 
Bazaar, visiting the beautiful cathedral, which 
was the coolest place I found in Calcutta, and 
winding up the day with a hearty sing-song 
on board the English Church Mission ship, 
where everything possible was done to make 
such men as would come feel welcome and 
honoured guests. It was a most delightful 
place. 

To add to my pleasure, there was at this 
time a most marvellous outbreak of Christian 
enthusiasm among" the British seamen visiting 
the port, chiefly due, I think, to the efforts of 
sundrv American missionaries working; at the 
Radha Bazaar Seamen's Rest. Large bodies 
of men might be seen returning on board 
their respective vessels at night, along the 
broad thoroughfares, singing with all their 
hearts, — not bacchanalian ballads, but sacred 
songs, — sober, earnest, and full of devotional 
energy. The various keepers of the Bazaar 
dens of all sorts of iniquity were in despair, 
for their trade was fast vanishing. Captains 
of ships met in dignified conclave to exchange 
wondering comment upon what most of them 



A STEADY SETBACK. 267 

were pleased to call "this psalm-sinmno- 
fever." * 8 

None of them, however, could deny that, 
whether they agreed or not with the spread of 
religion among sailors, the effect of the pres- 
ent extraordinary manifestation was entirely 
in their favour. The men worked better, 
gave no trouble by coming on board drunk, 
were in better health, and were undoubtedly 
happy. For my part I am afraid that I was 
far too sanguine. In this tremendeus out- 
pouring of the best gift of God to men I 
fancied I saw the first signs of a flood of 
righteousness that should revolutionise the 
conditions of our mercantile marine, because 
I then held precisely the same opinion I do 
now, — that the bettering of our sailors' con- 
ditions of life and service can only be effec- 
tively obtained by the personal elevation of 
his character. Laws without end may be 
made, and only succeed in making matters 
worse, because those who make them, albeit 
with the best possible intention, do not under- 
stand the subject, and under present condi- 
tions those who should furnish them with the 
required information are content to curse and 
growl at their lot while at sea, and when 



263 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



ashore devote all their time and money to 
that which holds them down in the dirt, while 
the decent ones, despairing of doing any 
good in their profession, seize an early oppor- 
tunity of getting out of it. But a morally 
and mentally uplifted personnel of the mer- 
chant service would be in a position to make 
their needs known and supplied, to the great 
advantage of all concerned. 

Let those sneer at Christian effort who will, 
— and God knows their name is Legion, — 
there is no more effective agent for the per- 
sonal elevation of man's body, as well as his 
soul, than this. Other agencies lop off de- 
cayed branches or poisonous suckers : Chris- 
tianity strikes at the giant tap-root and this 
alone can meet the urgent necessities of the 
case. 

On the third Monday after our arrival the 
skipper sent forme and told me that as he 
had been forced to discharge the bo'sun for 
incompetency he had been thinking of put- 
ting me in the vacant place, but, fearing that 
with the same crew I should have a most un- 
pleasant time of it, he had judged it kinder to 
try and get me a second mate's berth. This 
he had now succeeded in doinof, and if I were 



A STEADY SETBACK. 269 

willing to forego the small amount of wages 
coming to me after my half-pay had been de- 
ducted he would gladly give me my discharge. 
Again I failed to see the justice of this ; In- 
deed it seemed to me more unjust than ever, 
because seamen's wages in Calcutta were just 
the same as the English— ^3 per month. 
But I was met by the same alternative as be- 
fore ; I could either accept the terms offered 
or stay where I was. Of course this was, 
under the circumstances, no choice at all, so I 
hesitated not a moment, and, since I was 
obliged to accept, did so with as good a grace 
as possible. He took me down at once to 
my new ship, a vessel of about the same size, 
but vastly superior in every detail, and in five 
minutes I had accepted the skipper's offer of 
£5 10s. a month and a month's advance, 
which I at once despatched home to make 
amends for the half-pay which had now ceased. 

Returning on board, I at once packed up 
without being troubled at all by my ship- 
mates. There was quite an affectionate little 
parting between my sturdy young champion, 
who in Calcutta had steadfastly set his face 
toward better things, and myself. He nat- 
urally felt rather downcast at the prospect of 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



the passage home, expecting with good reason 
that he would have a fiery trial of it. But I 
assured him that such an experience would do 
him no harm. By being compelled to rely 
entirely upon God he would get a confidence 
unobtainable in any other way, just as one 
trusts a life-buoy in reality only when obliged 
to hang on to it or drown. Thus we passed 
out of each other's lives and never saw or 
heard of one another a^ain. 

Full of gratification I went on board my 
new ship, being received with much friendli- 
ness by the mate and third mate. She was 
loading jute for Dundee, and my first duty 
was to superintend the stowing of the cargo. 
The captain was seldom on board, for, being 
half-owner of the ship, he could afford to 
please himself where he stayed while in port. 
Work went on with the regularity of a well- 
oiled machine, and I could hardly congratulate 
myself sufficiently on having found so good a 
ship. When we got to sea it was just the 
same. Only now the skipper used to chat 
w T ith me familiarly, making me feel quite at 
home with him, but also letting me see that 
he was a practical pagan. Once, indeed, 
he told me that he used to conduct service 



A STEADY SETBACK. 271 

on board, but, finding it " didn't inswer," he 
knocked it off. I shuddered at the idea. 
Conduct divine service when the man's whole 
life was a negation of divinity and a selfish 
pampering of every base appetite that sug- 
gested itself to him ! But I said nothing. 

Then came a black day when I suddenly 
realised that, of all the unhappy times I had 
spent at sea, this passage was going to be one 
of the worst. Between the skipper and the 
steward there existed a strange fraternity 
which had its result in the latter behaving 
toward the officers with a gross and insolent 
familiarity such as I have never before or since 
seen on 1 oard ship. I had often wondered 
at the patient way in which the mate, who 
was a middle-a^ed man and an excellent sea- 
man, endured this treatment at the steward's 
hands, but put it down to a certain easy good- 
nature. To me the steward had said nothing 
at all but in a few civil monosyllables until 
one afternoon he came to my cabin door and, 
without any preliminary, flung it wide open, 
saying : 

" Here, you, get me a cask o r beef when ye 
go on deck, 's quick 's the devil'lj let ye." 
Aghast at this salutation, I could hardly 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



speak for a moment ; rage, surprise, shame, all 
struggled with me, impeding my speech. At 
last I said : 

" How dare you address me like that ? " 

I had no time to say more, for he coolly 
said : 

" Oh, you go £ hell. Just do as I told you, 
that's all." 

Knowing full well that this kind of thing 
would be fatal to my position on board, if al- 
lowed to go on, but, alas, not realising the fu- 
tility of any attempt to alter it, I immediately 
went straight to the skipper and reported the 
steward for gross insolence and foul abuse. 
To my stupefaction, all he replied was : 

" Look here, don't you get interfering with 
my steward, or it will be worse for you. He's 
a damn sight better man than you are any 
day." 

" That may be true, sir," I answered, " but 
at the same time I must remind you that you 
engaged me as third in command of this ship, 
and that during the six weeks I have fceen on 
board you have had no fault to find with me. 
Why, then, do you now propose to subject me 
to the coarse domination of a domestic ser- 
vant, knowing, as you must do, that I shall at 



A STEADY SETBACK. 



273 



the same time lose all power of command over 
my watch, down to the smallest boy ? " 

To this appeal he merely rejoined, "You 
seem to have an infernal lot of back slack. 
Go away." 

I went, broken-hearted, for I could now 
most plainly see what a miserable time of it I 
was going- to have. Fortunately I did not 
know how bad it was going to be. Without 
the slightest wish to be commiserated or to 
represent my condition as worse than it was, I 
declare that every species of indignity that 
my skipper could devise, he thenceforward 
put upon me. That I should have no privacy, 
he made the carpenter take my door off its 
hinsfes : that the men should rebel and curse 
me, he would give me orders to do certain 
things while the crew were resting, as in the 
dog-watches or on Sundays ; and then, when 
he could hear the row they were making, he 
would come on deck and ask me in a sneering 
voice, 44 What the devil " I was doing, messing 
about like that ; then, in a commiserating tone, 
say, 44 That'll do, men." He deprived me of 
my rest until I could barely snatch three 
hours' sleep out of the twenty-four, and tried 
his best to <road me into some overt act of re- 



274 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



bellion, in which, thank God, he did not suc- 
ceed. But his treatment of me so affected 
the third mate, who had served his time in 
the ship, that he said, " I thank God that it 
isn't me he's serving like this, for I should 
have been guilty of murder." 

To crown all, after a passage of nearly five 
months, — five months of incessant torture, — 
this magnanimous gentleman did what in him 
lay to ruin my life by giving me a discharge 
marked " G," which is quite the equivalent of 
" No good in the case of an officer. For- 
tunately for me I had my mate's certificate, or 
I could not have obtained it, since it is in- 
dispensable to have a recommendation from 
your last skipper, and that, of course, I did 
not get. However, the voyage was over ; I 
had done nothing to regret beyond coming in 
the ship at all ; and a delightful welcome 
awaited me in our little back room in Camden 
Town, where I was able, for a short time at 
any rate, to forget the miserable past. 

But when I contrast the speed at which 
those happy hours flew, with the leaden- 
footed days, weeks, and months of that terri- 
ble passage home, I am compelled even now 
to sigh and wonder why it is that pleasure is 
so short and pain is so long. 



A STEADY SETBACK. 275 

Very unwillingly but with a certain sense 
of duty nearly forgotten, I return to that un- 
happy time just to note that through a great 
part of it I seemed to be utterly forsaken by 
God. No, not utterly forsaken. I don't be- 
lieve I ever felt that, quite, but left for a long 
time to " dree my weird," as the Scotch say. 
But I can well remember how I set my teeth' 
determined to endure doggedly to the end, — 
not hopefully looking forward, the time 
seemed too remote for that, — but, as I have 
often done since when surrounded by troubles 
and not a break in the clouds anywhere, just 
summoned up all the endurance I could find, 
and held on. It is a peculiar frame of mind, 
somewhat akin to hopelessness, and yet I can- 
not conceive of any man living on who has 
entirely lost hope. Both the mood and its 
effects, though I have often experienced them, 
are a profound mystery still, but I feel sure 
that many besides myself have been similarly 
situated. 

A certain fear comes upon me that the 
misery of these later days of my sea life 
must seem painfully monotonous. Very 
gladly would I brighten them, for God knows 
that I was as susceptible to a stray gleam of 



276 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



sunshine as a sensit>ive-plant. But, this being 
fact and not fiction, I am unable to do as I 
would in the matter. Yet for the same rea- 
son that I was so sorely tried by untoward 
circumstances I was always eager and ready 
to grasp the brightnesses of my life as they 
•occasionally appeared, and to feel grateful to 
God for the mercies I always enjoyed. This, 
I think, is one of the most — well, call it by 
the commonplace word — " useful " things 
about the Gospel, that while it endows its re- 
cipients with a hope beyond all thought, a 
sure and certain hope for the future, it at the 
same time so increases their sensitiveness and 
appreciation of all that is really joy-giving in 
this life that no people on earth are really so 
happy as they, in proportion as they are, in 
very deed and in truth, followers of the Sor- 
rowful Man. 

Thus the few brief days I now spent at 
home (ah, what that word meant to me now !) 
were brimful of delight which not even the 
shadow of coming separation could dash from 
us. But as the small " pay-day" dwindled 
away, and still my daily visits to the docks 
did not result in my getting a berth, I became 
so anxious that it was day by day more cliffi- 



A STEADY SETBACK. 277 

cult for me to summon up a smile. Only an- 
other proof, of course, that I was unable to 
learn the lesson of how to " rest in the Lord " 
unless compelled to do so, — which is a very 
different thing. However, the entire attitude 
of the mind of the child of God in the face of 
repeated manifestations of God's protect ing 
care and solicitude for his best interests has 
been set forth so fully, once for all, in the 
story of Elijah, that each individual experi- 
ence is only a repetition of that. Sublime 
confidence when confronted by a veritable 
Himalaya of dreadful possibilities, and dis- 
honourable mistrust before molehills of trial, 
each phase ebbing and flowing in obedience 
to some mysteriously wayward influence with- 
in, seem to be the portion of all, in every 
acre, who have realised what God is to His 
people. 

Once more I found it impossible to get a 
ship in London as officer, and, as before, I 
was driven at the last to ship before the mast 
as A.B. Only now I felt that I had almost 
touched bottom in my profession, because the 
vessel I obtained was only a small Nova 
Scotia brigantine bound to Cape Breton in 
the fall of the year, in ballast. I received a 



278 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



month's advance of £$ and sailed from the 
Surrey Commercial Docks, finding, to my 
surprise, that I was far more comfortable than 
I had ever dreamed of being. The vessel, 
thouo-h little more than three hundred tons 
burden and built of soft wood, was such a 
wonderfully sea-kindly craft, her skipper was 
so amicable, and her tiny crew so well fitted 
for their work, that the labour was immensely 
lightened by the pleasure that any seaman 
was bound to take in it. Besides, there was a 
great hope in my mind that things would 
surely mend now ; also the voyage would be 
short, and there would be, I expected, many 
chances of getting an officer's berth on the 
other side. 

We were nearly a month on the passage, 
owing to baffling winds, but the vessel's be- 
haviour was so good that it did. not seem that 
long. Our only trouble was that we had 
shipped a cook in London who was so gro- 
tesquely incapable of doing anything in the 
cooking way, and so foully unclean besides, 
that we were compelled in self-defence to at- 
tend to the preparation of our own food. 

Had the mate been allowed to deal with 
the pseudo-cook, I feel sure that murder 



A STEADY SETBACK. 279 

would have been done ; but the skipper, though 
young and full of vigour, was one of the most 
humane men 1 have ever met, and he would 
not allow the poor impostor to be maltreated. 
Indeed, I have often seen the fine fellow in 
the galley, preparing some meal for the cabin, 
while the cook hovered about outside, look- 
ing wistfully at his commander's actions, but 
never by any chance learning to do anything 
correctly. Many cooks have I seen, and at 
the hands of many of them have I suffered, 
but never, never have I come across any one 
quite so bad as this poor, useless creature. 

We duly arrived at Sydney, Cape Breton, 
and after we had been at anchor about a week 
the news came that we were to proceed to 
Lingan, a tiny port in Nova Scotia, to load 
soft coal for St. John, New Brunswick. Why, 
I do not understand, since there were only 
three vessels in this quite considerable coaling* 
port, and an enormous supply awaiting ship- 
ment. One of these vessels had attracted the 
attention of everybody on board, when we 
entered the harbour, by her antiquated and 
clumsy appearance. She looked, indeed, like 
the result of some boat-builder's efforts to 
build a sea-going ship, being just like an ex- 



28o WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



aggerated wherry. She was brig-rigged, her 
two masts sticking up out of the curious hull 
like partly-broken broom-handles, and her 
jib-boom pointing skyward at a most absurd 
angle. Her rigging was made out of the 
shabbiest entanglement of odds and ends I 
had ever seen pretending to fulfil the duties 
of a ship's upper gear, and the men, who 
stared listlessly over the side at us as we 
came in, were fully in keeping, — a dirty, dis- 
spirited-looking handful of men. Had I met 
her in the Indian seas I should, have taken her 
for a " country-wallah " ; that is, one of those 
funny old craft that, having survived their 
usefulness at home, have drifted into the 
hands of natives, who make a good deal of 
money out of them in the Indian coasting- 
trade. It will presently be seen why I am 
thus particular in describing her. 

The day for our departure arrived, the mate 
having informed us that we were to sail at 10 
p. m. Shortly after dark he came forward, 
and, putting his head into the fo'c's'le, called 
me. When I came out, he said in a mysteri- 
ous whisper : 

" Ye've got a mate's ticket, haven't yeu ?" 

" Yes," I replied wonderingly. 



A STEADY SETBACK. 



281 



"Well," he went on, " th' ole man sez that 
ef yeu like yeu k'n clear out befo' we P"it un- 
der way. He ken't discharge ye 'thout a lot 
of trouble, 'n ye hain't got any dollars deu t' 
ye, so if yew'll say the word, my brother, 

o s lon^side now with his boat, mvin' me 
a look-up, '11 give ye a shove ashore. Ef I wuz 
yeu I'd jump at the chance, fur they's one 
ef not two ships in Sydney wantin' a mate, 
and they'll be all-fired glad t' git ye." 

Need I say that I didn't hesitate a minute 
in accepting the offer and in bidding him give 
the skipper my most earnest thanks for his 
kindly thoughtfulness. In three hours from 
that time I was being pulled shoreward with 
all my belongings. The mate's brother, after 
landing me on the beach and helping me 
ashore with my dunnage, said " So long," and 
shoved off for his home, leaving me there sit- 
ting on my bag, feeling as much alone as if I 
had been the sole survivor of a crew stranded 
on a desert island. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 

There was not a light that I could see in 
the little straggling town, and the night was 
very dark, so for a while I sat still on my bag 
of clothes, trying to think out the situation. 
But, do what I would, I could not suppress a 
miserable feeling of beim>" deserted, like a lost 
child who blames its mother. This feeling 
was intensified by the melodious cries of my 
late -shipmates as they got the pretty craft 
under way, and also by the damp chill of the 
winter night in that severe climate. At last, 
as a numbing sensation of cramp stole over 
me, I staggered to my feet, muttering, " Lord, 
help me, for I fear I'm in evil case now," and, 
leaving my bag where it was, groped my way 
up the bank of loose stones until I reached the 
steeet, if the long disconnected series of mean 
buildings could be dignified by such a name. 
Turning irresolutely from side to side, I saw 
a gleam of light through the crack of a door 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 283 

about a hundred yards away. Without one 
thought of the impudence of my proceeding I 
went straight toward it and tapped smartly 
with my knuckles against the door. A rough- 
looking man, in shirt and trousers only, bare- 
footed and bareheaded, answered, and, with a 
sympathetic note in his voice, made me cor- 
dially welcome to such shelter as he had to 
give. There was already, he said, a drunken 
sailor of some sort lying on the floor, but I 
might take " th' ould sofy." 

I thanked him heartily, as well I might, and 
hurried away to fetch my bag. When I re- 
turned he was waiting for me with a glass of 
rum, which I took gladly, for I felt chilled to 
the marrow. Then, bidding me good night, 
he retired into an inner room and left me in 
total darkness, with the stertorous breathing 
of my unknown companion in misfortune for 
a lullaby. It proved ineffective, for between 
the cold and the myriads of fleas which inhab- 
ited the couch I could not sleep at all. But I 
managed to while away the night somehow, 
and as soon as it was light enough to see I 
wandered down the street until I came to a 
" hotel." Here, after some vigorous knocking, 
I managed to gain admission, and upon telling 



284 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



my story I was cordially welcomed. Returning 
for my bag, I found my worthy host had not yet 
turned out, nor had the other lodger aroused, 
so I just shouldered my belongings and left. 

As soon as working hours commenced I 
went a-hunting for the ship-master, of whom I 
had been told, who wanted a mate, and very 
soon found him, with a crony, sitting drinking 
brandy. As I was desperate no false modesty 
restrained me from attacking him at once 
with the query, — 

" I hear you are in want of a mate, sir ?" 

He looked at me with that peculiar air of 
judicial gravity affected by his class when 
liquor is just stirring their sluggish brains, 
and said : 

" Yes, I am. Are you a mate? Have you 
£Ot a first mate's certificate?" 

By the precision and carefully clipped 
syllables of his speech I knew him at once 
for a Welshman ; by his bleared, furtive eyes 
and suffused face I knew him for a drunkard ; 
but these impressions registered themselves 
on my brain with the speed of light, and I re- 
plied courteously to his questions. 

It appeared, from what he said, that he was 
not at all anxious to engage a mate just then, 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 285 

— in fact he would much rather not ; but if I 
wanted a ship very badly he didn't mind taking 
me on at once. By these careful lies he suc- 
ceeded in getting me for a very low salary, 
for I was much afraid of losing the chance, 
having found that there was no other vessel 
there that wanted a mate. No sooner had I 
agreed to go than we adjourned to a general 
store a few doors off, which it appeared was 
the shipping-office, and there I signed the 
articles, which, for some strange reason, were 
already there. Then, turning to me, he said : 

" Now, look 'ere, Misser Bewlow [-he never 
got any nearer my simple name than that], I 
want you t' go on board and take charge. I 
am not very well and shall go and lay down in 
my hotel a little while. You'll find the second 
mate aboard, and he'll introduce you to the 
ship. And if you want anything, just come 
ashore up to the hotel and see me about it." 

Promising to do his bidding after I had de- 
spatched my month's advance home, I left 
him, and in about an hour was down at the 
landing-place. There I found a melancholy 
little group of half-a-dozen men just dragging 
out of the water the dead body of a stalwart 
young seaman that had drifted onto the beach. 



286 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



Upon enquiry I found that he had been one 
of my new ship's company, who had fallen 
overboard out of the boat the night before, 
at sunset, as he was coming ashore to fetch 
one of his shipmates who was drunk. I could 
not help feeling that this was an inauspicious 
opening to my new venture, but when I got 
on board I found it was entirely appropriate. 
The second mate was on board certainly, but 
in a state of fury against the skipper, and 
firmly resolved never to do a stroke of work 
on board again. He told me a lurid yarn 
about the condition of things on board ; how 
they lived just from hand to mouth, buying a 
few pounds of stores here and there ; how they 
had been out from England nearly two years, 
during which time they had shipped five dif- 
ferent mates ; and how the skipper had drunk 
every penny of freight earned by the ship, etc. 
Between whiles the narrator relieved the tor- 
rent of his feelings by bursting into a tempest 
of Welsh, and when he had thus let off steam, 
as it were, he would go on more coherently 
until he got worked up again. 

The condition of the vessel, on deck and in 
the cabin, was deplorable. I suppose it will 
already have been surmised that she was the 



AN APPALLING VOYAGC. 



287 



quaint brig-rigged thing which had so excited 
our scornful laughter when coming into har- 
bour, but the view we then obtained of her re- 
vealed very little of her true condition. My 
heart sank within me when I saw the filth 
everywhere and noticed the sullen looks of 
the five men forward, doubly so now from the 
loss of their shipmate. However, she stood 
between me and starvation, not only for my- 
self, but for another far dearer, and with a 
short, almost fierce prayer for courage and 
ability to see the thing through, I began. It 
was almost hopeless, from the outset, to get 
any assistance from the second mate, who had 
fully made up his mind to take any risks in 
order to get clear of the ship; but I kept on 
good terms with him, so that if he should 
alter his mind I might have the benefit of his 
services at once. I started the men at work 
to clean up a bit, at which there was a good 
deal of muttering that I could not afford to 
take any notice of. Indeed, the only pleasant 
face there was on board was that of a chubby 
lad, the nephew of the skipper, who, fearfully 
and wonderfully grubby, was performing, 
after a weird fashion, the double offices of 
cook and steward. 



288 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



In two days the old tub began to look a 
little more as a ship that is still sea-going 
should look, and I was becoming more con- 
tented. But meanwhile a sorrowful thing 
occurred which I feel I must record, although 
I am afraid it will be fiercely disputed by 
some people. The poor fellow who was 
drowned was a native of Clonakilty, County 
Cork, and a most devout Catholic. He had 
won the sincere regard of his shipmates by 
his good life as well as by his genial, kindly 
behaviour, so that when the time came for him 
to be buried they all asked to go ashore to 
attend his funeral. Therefore, leaving the 
second-mate and boy on board, we all went 
up to the little churchyard, where we found a 
group of bewildered men surrounding the 
rough coffin. They did not know what to do, 
because the parish priest had refused to per- 
form the burial-service. I make no comment; 
I repeat none of the remarks made by these 
indignant Catholics ; I merely record the fact 
that the body was silently lowered into the 
grave, and one of the rough labourers knelt 
down on the newly-turned soil and com- 
mended the poor soul to God. I said noth- 
ing, because personally I feel tkat, although 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 289 

it is undoubtedly right and becoming to put 
our dead away from us with solemnity and 
decorum, whatever we do or say affects not 
the piece of clay that was our friend at all. 
But I know that multitudes of dear people 
think otherwise and would be sorely wounded 
at such a graveside scene as this. 

We all returned on board very quietly and 
did not resume work that clay. The next 
morning I went ashore at nine and sought 
my commanding officer. Being told to go up 
to his room, I found him in bed with a half- 
emptied bottle of brandy by his side, in a 
maudlin state of drunkenness. He was able, 
however, to give me instructions not to 
trouble him any more than I could help, as 
he was not at all well; to tell me the name of 
the agent for loading the ship; and to order 
me to use my best endeavours to get the coal 
In and the ship ready for sea; also to report 
progress to him now and then. I left his 
presence, disgusted, yet consoled by the re- 
flection that he was having his debauch on 
shore, where he was out of the way. Then I 
went to a surgeon's and had an operation per- 
formed for a whitlow on my left thumb that 
left me o'^-nrmed for over two months and 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



has practically crippled the digit for life. 
Thenceforward, left to my own resources, 
getting no sleep for the pain of my thumb, 
until utterly exhausted, and always scheming 
some way of utilising the few bits of rotten 
eear on board to make things at least a little 
shipshape, I had no time to be miserable. 
In fact I believe that the experience was dis- 
tinctly salutary. Its very sordidness, hope- 
lessness, and loneliness compelled me to seek 
for the comfort I stood so much in need of, 
where alone it could be found. 

The qrew, if listless and careless, were not 
hostile, and so lonsj as I was content to let them 
go at their own pace evidently did not mean 
to give me any trouble. The second mate 
loafed about all day, trying my patience sorely, 
but I had nothing to gain by fruitlessly en- 
deavouring to force him to do his duty against 
his will, so I bore with him. In due time the 
cargo was on board, the sails bent, the vessel 
shifted out into the bay from the coal-tips, and 
everything ready for sea. Then I visited the 
skipper and informed him of the fact, but he 
had in no wise exhausted the delights of his 
prolonged carouse, and for another twenty 
days we remained there, idly swinging at our 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 



anchor. Every morning I saw him ; every 
morning he made excuses for notgoing to sea, 
— generally that he was ill, until at last the 
consignee of the cargo in St. John, having 
worried the agent into desperation, that gen- 
tleman came on board, and, after ascertaining 
from me how matters really stood, went to the 
skipper's lodgings and threatened to give me 
orders to take the ship to sea without him un- 
less he instantly returned to his duty. This 
menace of the agent's, although I do not 
think he would have dared to carry it out 
without instructions from the owner, was ef- 
fectual. The old man came on board, two 
hours after, in a small tug,- and, having given 
me orders to get under way, retired to his 
cabin in company with a large wicker-covered 
jar of spirits. From thence he did not again 
emerge until we reached St. John three weeks 
after. 

Want of space prevents me from giving 
more than the merest outline of that passage. 
Moreover I am fully convinced of my utter 
inability to do justice to its details. Only a 
sailor could realise what it meant to me to be 
alone in charge of an unhandy old brig, deep- 
loaded with coal, on one of the most danger- 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



ous coasts in the world, in the middle of 
November, with only one hand to use, and 
no one to relieve me in whom I could place 
confidence, for the second mate, baulked of 
his wish to leave in Sydney, refused to keep a 
watch. On the first occasion of taking sights 
for longitude I found the chronometer to be 
hopelessly wrong. This was partly my own 
fault, for, though I had carefully attended to 
the winding: of the instrument ever since I had 
been on board, I had not tested its accuracy, 
as prudence should have suggested. When I 
discovered that it was useless, I felt far a mo- 
ment as if all was lost, but soon recovered, and 
from that time I worked my way cautiously 
south by the aid of the deep-sea lead and the 
fishing-schooners. But if ever a man was 
u instant in prayer," I was. I grew confident 
that we should make out all right, even though 
I knew it would be little short of miraculous 
if, with such a " clumbungie," we successfully 
manoeuvred through the tremendous tide-races 
and conflicting currents from Cape Sable to 
Grand Manan, where I hoped to get a pilot. 

An elderly seaman of great experience used 
to keep a lookout for me while I snatched 
uneasy periods of sleep, and one night, amid 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 293 

a sleet-storm of great violence, 1 awoke just 
in time to see through a momentary break 
the beam from Cape Roseway lighthouse sinn- 
ing overhead. Not until we had clawed off on 
the other tack and lost sight of the light astern 
did I fully realise how narrow had been our 
escape. Although the night was bitterly cold 
I was drenched with sweat, induced, 1 sup- 
pose, by the violent nerve-strain. But when 
we came to the place I dreaded most of all, 
the Bay of Fundy, the weather fined and kept 
beautifully clear until, with the pilot on board, 
I was able to take the first solid four hours' 
sleep I had enjoyed for three apparently in- 
terminable weeks. 

The skipper went ashore as soon as we 
reached the pier next day, although he had 
previously been too unwell to leave his cabin 
since we left Sydney ; that is, he had been too 
busily engaged in emptying his brandy-jug 
and suffering the penalty for doing so. But 
he was a truly marvellous man. In spite of 
his excesses, his close confinement, and lack 
of food, he did not look the wreck that one 
would have expected him to be. However, 
ashore he went, muttering his formula, " I'm 
not very well. Think I shall stay ashore to- 



294 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

night." Whether he had a dim idea of catch- 
ing me at some nefarious practices or not, I 
do not know, but he did return that night, and, 
Utterly ignoring the lighted gangway I had 
caused to be rioted from the wharf to the 
main rigging, walked deliberately over the 
edge of the wharf and fell a matter of fifty feet 
into the mud, the tide being out. In his fall 
he passed between the vessel's side and the 
piles of the wharf, and he struck in the only 
position in which it was possible for him to do 
so and not be killed, — feet foremost. When 
— in response to his piteous cry of " Misser 
Bewlow, for Gaw's sake, safe my lyve ! " — we 
rescued him, he was no whit the worse, with 
the exception of a few bruises, for his awful 
fall. Indeed he was still drunk. Next morn- 
ing he was assisted to a carriage and taken 
to a hotel, where he remained during the 
whole of our stay in St. John. I used to 
visit him occasionally and always found him 
the worse for liquor. 

All this time I had steadfastly refused to 
touch anything stronger than tea or coffee, 
nor would I ever take any money from him, 
although he was continually proffering it, for 
I wanted all my pay when I got home, — oh, 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 



so badly. There was another way open to 
me to make money, of which I refused to 
avail myself, although, as the event proved, I 
might have done so without wronging any- 
body but myself, — which, I take it, is the best 
argument against practices of the kind to 
which mates of sailing-ships were, in my day, 
peculiarly liable. The old vessel had an 
enormous quantity of "junk" — old rope and 
canvas — on board, because in Santos she had 
been fitted with wire rigging, and the skipper, 
instead of bargaining to exchange the old 
gang of rope rigging for it, had paid cash, 
thereby securing an ample cash commission 
for himself. Now by some means it became 
known ashore in St. John that all this old 
junk was aboard of us, and I was continually 
being pestered by " 'longshoremen " to sell it 
to them, or to recommend my skipper to sell 
it. For this latter service one man offered me 
as much as twenty-five dollars ; that is, he 
was willing to give a hundred dollars for the 
junk, of which I might retain twenty-five for 
myself. Others offered less sums, and I re- 
fused to have anything to do with them at all. 
But somehow the hundred-dollar man found 
the skipper out and succeeded in inducing 



296 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

him to sell the junk for seventy-five dollars, 
besides so ingratiating himself with the poor 
sot that he was engaged as stevedore, to go 
with us to our port of loading and stow the 
vessel's cargo. 

When this worthy came, armed with the 
skipper's order to cart away the junk, he was 
exceedingly sarcastic at my honesty, which he 
characterised in familiar but unquotable lan- 
guage, and I admit that, from an outsiders 
point of view, it was hard to see where the 
benefit to anybody but the purchaser came 
in. 

I was unable to get away from my ship at 
all, except for a brief space on Sunday morn- 
ings, as there was no other officer on board, 
the second mate having succeeded in getting 
his discharge and pay, and no other having 
been en^a^ed. Thus, as no one came to see 
me, I was still quite alone as far as human 
companionship was concerned. On Sunday 
mornings I used to go to an Episcopal 
church near by for the sweet sense of rest and 
aloofness from the world that it gave, al- 
though the way that the service was gabbled 
over, and the utter paltriness of the preach- 
ing, used to make me sick at heart. No one 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 297 

ever spoke to me. Why should the)- ? I 
don't suppose I looked very companionable, 
for, although I was so young, 1 had a preoc- 
cupied, reserved, and elderly appearance, 

rather repellent, I do not doubt. 

After a stay of three weeks the skipper ar- 
rived one day with his crony, the " tagarene " 
man, and a large supply of brandy. He in- 
formed me with great dignity that we were to 
load lumber — deal planks — at a little port 
called Parrsboro', in the basin of Minas, near 
the place immortalised by Longfellow in 
" Evangeline." Of course we were to tow 
over there, over a hundred miles I think. 
There never was such a man for accumulat- 
ing towage expenses. I was not> sorry, for it 
relieved me of a great deal of worry and 
hard work. We started that afternoon and 
were no sooner clear of Partridge Island than 
the skipper and his chum, both being too 
drunk to stand, retired below, and I saw them 
no more during the passage. The night passed 
entirely without incident, but upon arriving in 
the river next day and taking up a local pilot 
I could get no information from the skipper 
where we were to lay, and, as no harbour- 
master appeared, we were fain to tie up at the 



298 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



first wharf that we reached. Then, it being 
now dark, the pilot and I trudged through 
the snow for a couple of miles to the village, 
where I managed to find the consignee, who 
told me what wharf to come to, but was very 
curious about the indisposition of the skipper. 

Thank heaven, my miserable position was 
soon to be altered. It had been bad enough 
before, but now it had become intolerable. 
This drunken blackguard of a stevedore, when 
he was not carousing with the skipper ashore, 
in a hotel to which they had both departed 
the day following our arrival, was directing a 
couple of men to fling the lumber about the 
hold. Stowage there was none. When I re- 
monstrated with this shameful proceeding, — 
for by it the vessel was rendered unseaworthy, 
and she had to face a North Atlantic winter * 
passage, — he jeeringly referred me to the 
skipper, who, he said, had told him he was 
not to be interfered with. I went to the skip- 
per and tried to make him understand what 
was be in or done, but all that I could p;et out 
of him was that " Chimmie " was a good man, 
who knew his business, and that I had better 
let him alone. That broke down the hio-h 
barrier of patient endurance I had so carefully 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 299 

erected, and I told him — with some heat, I 
am afraid — that under such conditions I 
would not go in the vessel. At which he 
laughed and ordered me to go on board. 

Next day he came down to visit the ship. 
We were all at dinner when we heard a tre- 
mendous crash-, and, rushing on deck, we found 
that he had, in some mysterious way, fallen 
between the ship and the wharf, breaking the 
ice, which was several inches in thickness. 
We dragged him out unhurt, except for a few 
bruises and scratches. Without even chang- 
ing his clothes, only taking a blanket to wrap 
round him, he returned to his hotel and stayed 
there. I afterward heard that a few days 
previous he had gone for a sleigh-ride with 
his crony, and had been pitched head fore- 
most over a steep bank into a great snow- 
drift, whence he was dug out with enormous 
difficulty, but entirely unhurt, and not even 
sobered. 

The day arrived when the ship was loaded : 
I cannot say she was ready for sea, for it is 
impossible to conceive of a ship more unfit 
to face even the simplest navigation than she 
was. She had a deckload of deals rising four 
feet above the rails, — that is, about eight 



L.ofC. 



Soo 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



feet in height, — and was so '"crank" or top- 
heavy that she would scarcely stand upright 
at the wharf. Her sails were like muslin for 
thinness, besides being clouted or patched 
until they looked like a nigger field-hand's 
breeches. The men were afraid to put their 
weight on a rope for fear of bringing some- 
thing tumbling about their ears. Further, 
she was almost bare of provisions. So I sat 
down and wrote a letter to the owner, briefly 
setting forth the state of affairs, telling him 
that I was firmly convinced that it was the 
skipper's intention to cast the ship away, and 
that, under all the circumstances, I did not 
feel justified in Q-oino- to sea in such a vessel. 

Then I went up to the hotel, where, at ten 
in the morning, 1 found the skipper and 
" Chimmie " in the same bed, looking as frowsy 
and besotted and animalised as any two 
human beinos I ever saw, — and I have seen 
some gorgeous specimens. Only Zola could 
do justice to the details of that chamber, and 
then the readine would not be to our taste. 
Without any preface I said : 

" Cap'n, I want my discharge." 

This roused him, and after its import had 
soaked into his bemused mind he answered 
as shortly : 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 301 
11 You can't have it." 

I am not going to detail the conversation 
that followed, for even the recalling of the 
scene is most unpleasant for me, and I am 
afraid it would be doubly so for my readers. 
In the event I left him and returned on board, 
removing my effects to a hotel, whose proprie- 
tor, with full knowledge of the conditions, 
had promised to receive me. I then con- 
sulted a lawyer, promising that I was penni- 
less and that he could only be paid in the 
event of my succeeding. He advised me to 
have the skipper arrested on a writ of capias, 
saying that it would bring matters to a head. 
I followed his advice, and the skipper was 
arrested just as he was going on board and 
had a tug alongside to tow the vessel to St. 
John, where I suppose he intended to ship 
another unfortunate mate. 

But, as I might have known had I been 
more experienced, I was hopelessly beaten. 
To my intense amazement, the strongest 
point upon which I had relied — the danger 
resulting to the ships company from the 
skippers habitual drunkenness — failed com- 
pletely. He swore that he was temperate and 
that he had never been intoxicated since he 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



had commanded the ship. He was far from 
sober at the time of making this statement, 
by the way; but the court, such as it was, be- 
lieved him, and as my counsel had called no 
witnesses this monstrous lie passed. In vain 
I pleaded the unseaworthiness of the ship and 
the fact of my having no officer to relieve me ; 
the only alternatives presented to me were to 
sail in her or lose my wages. But as I said 
to the lawyer, although I sorely needed that 
£\2, I did not feel like risking so much to 
obtain it. So the brig was towed away, and, 
to cut my story short, the skipper spent a fort- 
night in St. John, drinking, then shipped 
another mate, and sailed, losing the vessel 
and three men's lives before he had eone a 
hundred miles, which was what I was firmly 
convinced he meant trying to do. 

My position was now a serious one. I had 
absolutely no money, and, although my hotel 
bills amounted to only three dollars a week, 
they were mounting up. Navigation was 
fast becoming impossible for ice, for winter 
was now almost at its height. I felt like a rat 
in a trap. But I have always found that the 
apparently hopeless cases of difficulty that 
have confronted me have disappeared mirac- 



AN APPALLING VOYAGE. 



ulously at the touch of God's hand or ever I 
came upon them. This was to be no excep- 
tion to the good rule. Meanwhile I found 
some congenial society among the Episco- 
palians, and became, for the time, a member of 
their choir. None of them knew, however, to 
what straits I was reduced, and even had they 
known I fear the circumstance of a man being- 
compelled to get into debt through enforced 
idleness during the winter was far too common 
to excite any wonder. 

Relief came at last. I had been about 
three weeks ashore when a ragged-looking 
ruffian one morning accosted me with, — 

" Say, 'r yeu th' duck 'at's lookin' for a 
ship ? Mate, ain't ye ?" 

I gazed at him wonderingly, but I had 
learned that in Nova Scotia clothes do not 
make the man, so I answered him carefully. 
Whereupon he told me that he had built a 
schooner of twenty-four tons, which he had 
loaded with potatoes grown on his own farm, 
and he was now anxious to take her out to the 
West Indies to sell her and her cargo if possi- 
ble. But he wanted a navigator and was will- 
ing to pay twenty-five dollars a month for one. 
Would I o-o? Indeed I would, if he would 



3 04 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



only give me a month's advance. He agreed, 
although it is a mystery to me how he raised 
the money, for he was poor with a poverty 
that was pathetic, so poor that he could not 
buy reasonable food for the passage. He 
managed to raise enough for my advance, 
though, — on paper. Here, again, was a dim 
culty. I wanted sadly to send ten dollars 
home, but could find no one to let me have 
cash for my note. I could buy things with it, 
anything the stores contained, but no dollars 
were forthcoming, and at last I was driven to 
asking the skipper to take his note back and 
give me fifteen dollars advance, which' was all 
I needed to pay my score and make my few 
purchases. This he did with alacrity. I 
wound up my affairs, came on board the tiny 
craft, and squeezed myself into the little, 
square, foul-smelling den of a cabin, with my 
belongings. I found that a small boy of 
twelve, the skipper s son, and a half-witted lad 
of fifteen, were to accompany us, both look- 
ing as dirty and woebegone as possible. 
Twenty-four hours after meeting with my 
rough-looking commander we were bowling 
down the Basin of Minas, bound for summer. 



CHAPTER XV. 



AND LAST. 

During my stay in Parrsboro' I had found, 
to my amazement, that I was far better able 
to endure the intense cold than the natives, 
who used to work muffled up to the eyes in 
all sorts of strange woolly garments and with 
double mitts on their hands, while I was bare- 
handed and in shirt-sleeves. They told me 
that this was usually the case with new-comers 
in their first winter, but that if I stayed there 
a year I should find myself just as susceptible 
as they were. For the present, however, this 
ability to bear cold stood me in good stead, 
for when we were about forty miles from 
Parrsboro' the weather became terrible in its 
severity. " Frost-smoke " arose from the sea, 
nreatinof an environment as much colder and 
more penetrating than ordinary low temper- 
ature in clear weather as a snow-and-salt mix- 
ture is colder than ice-water. Every little 
spray coming- over froze where it touched, 



3 o6 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



and every lurch of the vessel brought down a 
mass of glittering ice from above. We groped 
our way into Musquash harbour and took on 
wood and water, my mind filled with an un- 
reasoning, peevish anger against such miser- 
able conditions of labour. 

Leaving there the next day, we moved 
cautiously south, anchoring behind Bryer 
Island and in Yarmouth on successive days, 
because we had got so frozen up we could not 
work the vessel. Unhappily, too, I realised 
that m'y employer was a man of the w >rst 
class, brutal in his behaviour, blasphemous in 
his talk, and unutterably filthy in his habits. 
To be shut up with him and those two poor 
lads for what seemed likely to be a month was 
so serious a prospect that I refused to con- 
sider it. We spent Christmas Day anchored 
at the entrance to Yarmouth harbour, the 
weather being much too severe for us to ven- 
ture out ; so bad, in fact, that even in our tiny 
den, the floor-space of which was half-filled by 
the stove, we could hardly keep from freezing, 
although the big boy was kept constantly em- 
ployed thrusting blocks of birchwood into the 
fire. 

On the fifth c^'ay after leaving ParrsbonV 



AND LAST. 3 o 7 

we reached a small anchorage at the back of 
Cape Sable Island only just in time, for a tre- 
mendous gale commenced outside before we 
had got the sails furled. Here we lay for a 
week, until the vessel looked more like a tiny 
iceberg than aught else, our only food pota- 
toes with a smack of salt herring about them. 
We had only a "kit" (about twenty-five 
pounds) of these fish, and it was necessary to 
be economical with them, as our keg of beef 
had become putrid. We had a barrel of flour 
with which the big boy made something like 
bread, salting it with his tears under the con- 
tinued and shameful brutality of the skipper. 
For drink we had a decoction of burnt bread, 
neither tea nor coffee being included in our 
store list. But, after all, these were minor 
evils, not to be considered under the far 
graver conditions in which we were existing. 

At last we managed to get ashore and enjoy 
a day's chopping among the young birches, to 
replenish our stock of firewood, — exercise 
which was delightful after the wretched 
cramped-up life we had been leading. Finally 
we cut down a spreading young spruce-tree, 
leaving all .its branches intact. This, with a 
vast amount of labour, we managed to get on 



308 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



board and secure across the main deck, which 
it completely filled. Then, the wind veering 
favourably, we broke the ice off our upper 
gear and put to sea. 

It was the skipper's first watch on deck that 
night (we took four hours each, as neither of 
the boys were of any use to us), and when he 
called me at midnight I awoke with a sense 
of relief and gratitude unspeakable. For the 
bitter bleak edge of the cruel winter we had 
exchanged the mild, balmy atmosphere* of the 
Gulf Stream. Already the ice and snow had 
almost disappeared, the ropes felt soft, the 
sails flapped instead of snapping.and crackling 
like wood. My misery fell from me like a 
shroud, and I longed to sing. Oh, how 
thankful I was ! This blessed relief had but 
just time to revive us when bad weather set 
in. A heavy gale arose, blowing right across 
the set of the Gulf Stream and raising a 
mighty succession of such dangerous waves 
as cannot be excelled anywhere in the world. 
So we played our last card. We fastened 
our cable to the bole of our spruce-tree and 
hove it overboard. It acted as well as any 
sea-anchor ever made, keeping the poor little 
vessel's head up to the sea. Thus, with every 



AND LAST. 309 

stitch of canvas as secure as we could make 
it, we lay for seventy-two hours, a mere chip 
in that howling ocean. Nine watches of four 
hours each I stood by the useless wheel, 
watching the never-ending succession of roar- 
ing green mountains rushing toward us, and 
acutely conscious that each one was probably 
bearing us the stroke of grace. They were 
solemn hours to me, of which I cannot speak, 
but with deepest gratitude I record that when- 
ever the skipper relieved me I went to my 
narrow bunk and immediately slept like a babe 
on its mother's bosom. 

It was a fascinating if a terrible experience 
to stand and watch the oncoming wave soar 
higher and higher until, in thundering tri- 
umph, it was upon us and sweeping us away 
to leeward as if only a feather; then the swift 
descent into the great hissing hollow between 
the wave just past and the wave just coming, 
while its foam-curdled surface in unnatural 
smoothness seemed to be sinking us to the 
ocean's bed. This ascent and descent, per- 
formed every minute or so during the whole 
of those three days, never lost its potentiali- 
ties of terror, although, thanks to our novel 
sea-anchor, we rode gallantly. Only in the 



310 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

last burst of the gale the sea that I appeared 
to have so long been waiting for suddenly ar- 
rived. It caught the poor little craft in its 
full embrace, and what happened after is a 
blank, for I was clinging for life to the wheel 
and wondering how much longer I could hold 
my breath under water. When I breathed 
again and could see, I found that she had 
suffered no damage. Not only so, but the 
weather had broken, and as our tree-stem had 
been chafed ri^ht throueh we made sail such 
as she would bear and edged away south. 

With the coming of fine weather the skip- 
per became quite jovial and confidential. He 
favoured me with full details of his plans for 
the future. He wasn't going back again, not 
he. His old woman and her litter miofht go 
to the devil, he'd done enough for 'em. No, 
he would get rid of the boy somehow, and 
then he would make a bee-line for New York 
with the proceeds of his vessel, and set up a 
brothel, — that was the best-paying game. 
And so on and so on, for an hour at a time, 
while I stood at the wheel, sick at heart but 
unable to escape. 

We had no more bad weather, and at fairly, 
good speed we gradually lessened our lati- 



AND LAST. 3 u 

tude until we were far enough south, and, 
having no chronometer, began cautiously to 
steal west. We met only one vessel, strange 
to say, and that was when we were near 
enough for the longitude she gave us to last 
us as a departure-point until we got safely in- 
to port. No sooner was the anchor down and 
the sails fast, than I hailed a canoe, put my 
dunnage into it, and hastened ashore, for, al- 
though I have not dared to enlarge upon the 
matter, partly from dwindling space and partly 
because I would not like it thought that I was 
degenerating into a querulous grumbler, I 
had really suffered a great deal on board the 
little vessel from my compulsory association 
with that man. Physically filthy, repulsively 
blasphemous, and outrageously cruel, — he 
gave the poor half-witted cook a kick in the 
mouth one day that disfigured him for life and 
broke several of his teeth, — to be shut up 
with an animal like that in so small a space 
for a month was as severe a trial as I wish to 
undergo. 

Whether he thought that it was unwise to 
allow me to go to the shipping-master alone, 
or not, I do not know, but he followed me 
ashore instantly and paid me the small amount 



312 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



I had due, giving me my discharge in due 
form before the shipping-master. I said as 
little to him as I could, being only anxious to 
see his back, and, finding me thus uncompan- 
ionable, he departed and I saw him no more. 
The shipping-master very courteously asked 
me what I proposed to do. I explained my 
position to him, and he then advised me to 
get away from St. John at once, as there was 
practically no shipping there, at any time, that 
would suit me. He eave me an introduction 
to the skipper of a smart-looking schooner in 
the harbour, with the queerest name I ever 
heard, — The Migumooweesoo, — who, he said, 
would gladly give me a passage to Barba- 
does and was leaving next day. There, he 
said, I would soon get a chance. 

Of course I hastened on board at once, find- 
ing the skipper, a splendid young specimen of 
manhood, almost at death's door with dysen- 
tery. His crew were all negroes, kindly, will- 
ing fellows enough, but not able to do for 
him what was needed or to keep him company. 
Consequently his delight at my advent was 
pathetic to see. He would hardly allow me 
to go ashore and fetch my few belongings, in 
case I should alter my mind and not come ; 



AND LAST. 3 , 3 

and I had no sooner returned than he gave 
his mate orders to get under way with all 
speed, as we had twenty horses on board and 
the question of their food was rather a serious 
one. 

We made a very long passage of ten days, 
during which we were compelled to put into 
Prince Rupert, Dominica, for sugar-cane tops 
for the horses to eat, but I was thorough!)' 
happy. My small knowledge of common- 
sense medical treatment succeeded in piiHtng 
poor Brown out of the very jaws of death, 
while my company was to him, he said, more 
precious than he could ever have imagined 
such a thing could be. So when we arrived 
in Barbadoes I had that satisfactory sense of 
being of some use, that is one of the sweetest 
feelings, I think, one can have in this world. 

He would, however, hear nothing about 
Christ. When I first broached the subject lie 
was terribly alarmed and asked me most 
anxiously if I thought he was dying. The 
earnestness of my disclaimer reassured him, 
but he begged me not to mention the matter 
to him again unless I really thought he was 
ofoine to die. He said that was all the use of 
religion that he knew of, — to cheer people up 



3 i4 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



when they were going " off the hooks." And 
when he got better he said such things about 
Christianity and Christians generally that, 
in my turn, I begged him to let the matter 
drop. 

I parted from him, though, with a good 
deal of regret, for he was a thoroughly manly 
fellow, only his moral nature had been 
warped, from his youth up, by vicious sur- 
roundings. After hearing some of his stories 
of the relations between whites and coloured 
people of the island, I could well understand 
how, if there was any truth in them, he came 
to look upon religion as [the merest farce. 
But as that was a matter of hearsay only, and 
is, besides, somewhat out of my province, I 
must pass on. 

Only a matter of ten days (though they 
were long days, I admit) passed in Bridge- 
town before I was one morning informed, at 
the shipping-office, that there was a large bar- 
quentine in the harbour needing a chief mate. 
Without a moment's delay I hurried on board, 
finding her a truly splendid, yacht-like craft 
and one that it would be a delight to com- 
mand. I was received by the second mate, 
really the boatswain, for he was a man unable 



AND LAST. 3 , 5 

to read. He was a very genial fellow, though, 
and looked every inch a sailorman. That, 
however, I should have judged from the 
beautiful appearance of the ship. Glad, I 
suppose, to have some one to talk to, he told 
me one of the most pathetic stories of the sea 
it has ever been my lot to hear. 

It appeared that they had but just come 
from Port Natal. On their departure they 
had been commanded by a man of whom the 
rough boatswain spoke with bated breath as 
of no ordinary mortal. He was of huge sta- 
ture, yet gentle as a child, a thorough sea- 
man and navigator, and withal a simple- 
minded, great-hearted Christian. With him 
were his wife and two little ones, and to see 
him with those hostages to fortune was to 
wonder how one human heart could hold so 
much love. After a most perilous passage 
around the Cape another little son was born 
to him away in the middle of the South At- 
lantic. But before he had nursed his precious 
helpmate quite back to strength again, he 
himself was stricken down by some terrible dis- 
ease about which neither the mate (now 
captain) nor his wife knew anything. After 
battling with it manfully for five or six days, 



3'<5 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



he suddenly lost the desire of more life, and 
quietly drifted homeward in the arms of his 
heart-broken spouse. Four days later the 
vessel arrived in Barbadoes, where the hapless 
widow and her orphan children were trans- 
ferred to the mail steamer and sent home. 

By the time the second mate had finished 
his recital the skipper had arrived, and in the 
course of a few minutes we had arranged 
terms. The vessel was bound to the coast 
ports of the Gulf of Mexico for mahogany, 
whither I had sailed so many years before on 
my first voyage. As the only reason she had 
for calling at Barbadoes at all was to get orders 
where to proceed, we sailed the next day. I 
felt very pleased indeed. The skipper, just 
promoted by circumstances, was cheerful, com- 
panionable, and sober ; the second mate, al- 
though to my mind a little too chummy with 
the skipper, was a good fellow enough ; the 
crew were sturdy and willing sailcrmen ; and so 
the ship, taken all round, was as comfortable 
as she could well be, — too comfortable, I am 
afraid, for me. For I said not a word about 
my profession of Christianity when I first came 
on board, and ever afterward I found it im- 
possible. Sailing under false colours is al- 



AND LAST. 3I; 

ways a risky as well as a dishonest proceeding, 
and in this instance especially ' it did me, 
spiritually, an immense amount of harm. 

Not that I ever felt any desire to contract 
myself out of the Lords requirements, but 
somehow the miserable fallacy was wrapping 
itself about my heart that the Master's service 
was bringing me always into trouble. I felt 
as I know so many have left, that while the 
service of God in the world was a glorious 
thing to die for, it was not so glorious a thing 
to live for. It meant a world full of enemies, 
misunderstandings, and impositions ; not per- 
haps so painful as the short, sharp agony of 
the stake and the torture-chamber, but the 
long-drawn-out suffering of continual enmity 
and separation from one's kind. The subtle 
suggestion was constantly being made to 
me, though not from any tangible person, 
" What is the use of thus cutting yourself off 
from your kind?, What good does it do? 
Even those good people ashore who preach 
at you, and write books to you telling you 
what sort of life you should lead, have no 
idea at all of your condition. They have 
home, wife, family, and friends always at 
their hand. They lie warmly and securely, 



3i8 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



they eat pleasantly and regularly, and all the 
amenities of social life are theirs for the tak- 
ing. God does not expect, then, from you, 
that you should lead a life of martyrdom 
which can have no possible good result. He 
wants you, as well as those even-tempered 
teachers ashore, to have a few of the pleasant- 
nesses of life. And so on. The fallacies 
underlying all these thoughts were dimly ap- 
parent, but only dimly, and gradually the 
conviction forced itself upon me that I had 
been trying to be righteous overmuch and do- 
inof harm instead of eood. 

Had I only then met with some one who 
would have persecuted me, scoffed at my 
Master and Friend, and done despite to the 
Holy One I .loved with all my heart, it would 
have been good for me, I think. But no ; I 
was allowed to drift a certain distance, not 
too far, and to wet my pillow at night with 
tears of repentance because I was not living 
up to the high standard I believed to be re- 
quired of me by my loving Father. Ah me, 
how little, after all the painful teaching I had 
endured, did I yet know of Him ! 

Nothing of any notable interest took place 
upon our passage down to Tonala. The days 



AND LAST. 



3i9 



glided by most smoothly, the work went on 
without a hitch. But on our arrival within 
the bar of Tonala River there was a chancre. 

o 

The skipper and the second mate, inseparable 
now, took to making long excursions ashore, 
leaving me to carry on the work. And after 
a day's ramble or a picnic they would come on 
board, having invited their friends from the 
other vessels, and expect me to join them in 
an evening's carouse. This I could not do, 
for two reasons. One was that I had no 
taste or inclination for such affairs, — that had 
all been taken from me, long ago ; the other 
was that I felt my position very keenly, as the 
first officer, being thus placed with regard to 
the second. For this is not merely a matter 
of wounded amour propre. It is an essential 
part of discipline by the maintenance of which 
alone is the due carrying out of ship duties pos- 
sible. The crew are quick to note the smallest 
slight put upon an officer. If they like him, 
they resent it ; if they dislike him, they use 
it as a most efficient excuse for showing the 
d : s ] ike which he is powerless to resent. I 
merely mention this lest it should be thought 
that the notice taken of what may be thought, 
among people in whose lives the maintenance 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



of discipline has no part, is evidence of thin- 
ness of skin or morbid readiness to take of- 
fence. 

However, I was determined to give no 
handle to my commander for a quarrel, so, 
resolutely ignoring what was going on, I at- 
tended to my work, tallying in the cargo of 
mahogany logs, and, when cargo was delayed, 
keeping the vessel in trim and scouring the 
creeks for stranded waifs in the shape of log- 
ends that had broken adrift and were owner- 
less. These were split up into dunnage wood 
and utilised for '* broken stowage " ; that is, 
filling up interstices left in the hold by the 
ungainly masses of timber refusing to accom- 
modate themselves to the curves of the ship. 
I got very little chance to go ashore, and 
what little I did get I seldom availed myself 
of. For the place was utterly devilish. 
There was not even the faint semblance of 
religion usually found in South American 
coast-towns, for the wild outlaws who peopled 
the place would not tolerate a priest among 
them and used to recount with glee the treat- 
ment meted out to a venturesome cleric who 
did dare to come and attempt to pursue his min- 
istrations among them. They stripped him 



AND LAST. 321 

and set him in the stocks, beneath the burn- 
ing sun, for the space of a whole day. When 
released, more dead than alive, he was driven 
on board a schooner departing for Coatzaco- 
alcos and warned emphatically that on his 
next appearance there he would be converted 
into dog's meat. 

It is surely needless for me to say that I was 
glad when sailing-day arrived. The last few 
days of our stay were passed outside the bar, 
which did not permit of us passing it fully 
laden, and the strain upon me of getting those 
few remaining dozens of logs on board without 
damage to the ship or my men was consider- 
able. So I gave a great sigh of relief when 
the last log swung inboard and we ran up our 
"full-ship" flag. From that hour I began to 
look across the wide sea homeward. 

Now, while the skipper did not in the least 
attempt to interfere with me in my working 
up the ship's position from astronomical 
observations, and allowed me the fullest 
access to the excellent pair of chronometers 
we carried, he never allowed me to compare 
my positions with his. He just looked at 
them and nodded, or muttered something, 
according to his mood, but his work I never 



WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 



saw, and I confess that I had a very strong 
feeling" of nervousness about that great reet 
whereon I had been wrecked in my boyhood. 
So it was only natural that, as we neared its 
neighbourhood by my reckoning, I kept an 
extra-vigilant outlook. One night when the 
smart craft was flying along with a quarter- 
ing wind, under all canvas, at the rate of 
eleven knots an hour, I was called at mid- 
night by the second mate as usual. Coming 
on deck, my nostrils at once detected the 
strong "reef smell," and although I had but 
just risen from a sleep like that of the dead I 
started aloft. Not a moment too soon. I 
had no sooner reached the foretopsail-yard 
than I saw stretched out ahead that awful 
fringing wreath of snowy breakers marking 
the presence of a coral reef. For a moment 
I could hardly find my voice. Then, moist- 
ening my lips, I shouted, " Lee fore brace, 
below there ; keep her as high as she'll lie." 
Up she swung into the wind, staggering like 
a stricken thing under the now tremendous 
pressure of canvas, and as I saw that she 
pointed clear of the weather corner of that 
death-trap, I said quietly up there in the 
night, " Thank God ! thank God ! " 



AND LAST. 323 

Slipping down to the deck, I called the 
skipper, who was, as may be supposed, dread- 
fully alarmed. He went aloft at once and 
did not come down again until we at last 
swung clear of that terrible place and were 
once more able to resume our homeward 
course. 

Thenceforward we had no more trouble. 
After a fairly good passage we entered Fal- 
mouth harbour, whither we were bound for 
orders, and after a couple of days' stay 
departed for Rotterdam, where the crew were 
discharged and only the skipper and myself 
remained behind. Here I had another ex- 
perience similar to that quoted as happening 
to me in St. John. As soon as the nature of 
our cargo became known, we were boarded by 
quite a crowd of nondescript fellows, mostly 
Jews, whose one object seemed to be the pur- 
chase of our dunnage-wood. One of these 
men thrust a £5 note into my hand, and, 
upon my enquiring what his generosity 
meant, told me that it was because he had 
taken a great liking for me. He was, it was 
true, going to bid for the mahogany dunnage- 
wood, but he did not wish me to bias the 
skipper in his favour at all,* — of course not, — 



324 WITH CHRIST AT SEA. 

only he begged me to accept his little mark of 
regard. Well, the whole thing seemed so 
fishy that I refused, much to his astonishment 
and chagrin. He went away and I saw no 
more of him until next day, when he came up 
to me, and, smiling, sarcastically said: 

"Veil, Meesder Mate, I haf puy de vood. 
Unt I tondt gif more for him dan I expecd 
to. Now eef yu haf dake dat vife poundts 
yu vifl be gladt unt I vill be sorry. But yu 
are so (English adjective) vool as not to 
dake him, zo I am gladt, unt yu ben sorry, 
hein ! Pelief me, Meesder Mate, yu ben von 
(English adjective again) jackass. " 

I turned away, having nothing to say, but 
when, a few days after, I found that my share 
of the proceeds of the wood, to which I was 
honestly and rightfully entitled, had been 
divided by the skipper between himself and 
the second mate, I was inclined to believe 
that my Hebrew critic was really not so far 
wrong after all. When the cargo was all out 
the skipper informed me that, although he 
had no fault to find with me, his brother, who 
was a mate, was out of a ship, " and of 
course, you know, a man must look after his 
own family. " So I departed homeward, glad 



AND LAST. 



to escape for a few days' domestic bliss and 
to forget for a time the necessity of going to 
sea, under such conditions, for a livino-. 

One long voyage I made after that, and 
only one, before finally settling down ashore. 
But the space allotted to me is gone, and 
even if I were to recapitulate the details of 
that voyage I fear that in its likeness to the 
last one it would be somewhat monotonous. 
Again I found no trace of Christianity 
aboard. Again I found myself in a minority 
of one, and so, although taking my friendless 
position into consideration I had naught to 
complain of on the ground of treatment, I 
was by no means sorry when, at the end of 
the voyage, I found it possible to quit the 
sea life altogether. 

If it should be thought that I have drawn 
too gloomy a picture, and that the title of 
this book should rightly have been " Without 
Christ at Sea," I can only humbly reply that 
the incidents which I have recorded are none 
of my choosing. I have tried with all my 
soul to say without bias what I remember of 
those days, in the mellowing light of mem- 
ory, and my earnest hope and prayer is that 
some good may result. 

The End. 



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